Happy Anniversary -part deux, (the spawning)

I would be remiss if I didn’t wish the Mayor of Mitchieville a happy Blogging anniversary for completing his second year and embarking into his third, even though he urinated in my poinsettia and wiped his muddy shoes on the drapes last time he was over. He came to deliver the standard Mayoral Christmas gift: A year long subscription to "Jugs and Giant Asses" and two tickets to the touring show of, "Dancing With the Stars/ The ones who didn't make the cut".

Now, technically, the blessed date is tomorrow, but as GIGC confirmed, I've always been known to blow my load early, so here goes....

The Mayor's a swell, yet demented, guy and is well thought of by many. I don’t who they are, but I assure you, they are many......just kidding ya big lug!

Many happy returns to you and you pony pal Fenris too. It’s been another amazing, side-splitting, year of laughter and memories from the Mayor's office to the manor.

One further note: Sorry they were all out of penis cakes that looked like the number two.



However, after thinking long and hard, --- no pun intended--- I decided it was preferable to the other cake they had.



Now, you too can make erotic baked goods for those special occasions.

Write to me to order your Strangedaze Erotic Penis Cake Pan.



Cost: $19.95 plus $8.00 shipping and handling fee.

Warning: Product does not actually exist, so may not arrive as ordered.

Linkin' Lincoln

Ok, I lied. I'm not really going to link Lincoln, or any president living or dead--- not that I see much of a difference. I am going to link the Mayor over at Mitchieville. Why? Because he has some funny ass Christmas shit going on at the town hall. Like the Ku Klux Santa, a must for anyone who saw the Kramer debacle a few weeks back.

You know, if it wasn't for the Mayor, I don't think I'd ever have the experience of feeling liquid shoot out my nostrils--- Jack Daniels, milk, what-have-you. Today, in fact, I think I shat myself.....just a little....while I was reading some of his posts.

Happy natal day

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your.......November. I'd like to take the opportunity to wish the Mayor of Mitchieville many happy returns.

I can't tell you how old he is mainly because you would be shocked by the way he so youthfully maintains his girlish figure, but let's just say, he's old enough to RENT his own damn car! And young enough, that he still gets a full election every four years.

Peace out my brother.

I had a dream also

Last night, just like the Mayor did a few weeks back, I had a dream too.....well it was more like a phone call, but there was a little voice on the other end telling me I had to quit Blogging......until the weekends.

Suffice it to say, I always do what the little voices tell me. So, until they speak again and advise me it's all right to Blog everyday, probably in early November, I'll be switching to weekend posts only.

You're still welcome to come here everyday to see if I'm lying, but I'm not.....or am I?

See you Saturday.

Mitchieville Dec. 31, 2004 - Mar. 15, 2006 R.I.P.

I would like to end this three day eulogy by listing three of my Mitchieville favourites: saying, picture, post.

*drum roll* The envelope please.

For saying: "In Canada, Moosehead is a beer, in Vermont, it's a misdemeanour."

For Picture: I can’t remember where this picture was taken. It was either at the super secret fallout bunker location in Camp Mitchieville or that time The Mayor asked me to come camping with him while we tended a friend's sheep.

And now for my favourite Mitchieville post of all time.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Joe shits in his bed, twice

Here's a little tribute to my buddy Joe. Joe had a stomach flu around Christmas time, and told all his friends a charming story about how he shit his bed, twice.

Joe didn't feel well this Christmas night,
He even missed dinner, he ate not a bite,
He said his tummy wasn't feeling right,
So he went to bed, and turned out the light.

He felt like it would be better if he was dead,
His stomach was grumbling, his face it was red,
His temp it was high, there was a pounding in his head,
Then he fell asleep, and shit in his bed.

When he woke up, he was covered in goo,
Messy and sticky, rolling in poo,
It was on his face, his arms, his back, that is true,
I think even Domenica was laying in it too,

He went to the washroom to clean off the crap,
All the poor fucker wanted to do, was to go back and nap,
So he changed the sheets and climbed back into the sack,
Hopefully that was the last of his bowel attack.

But on this night, God was not his friend,
He should have gone to sleep wearing depends,
I guess his nightmare wouldn't quite end,
Cuz he shit his bed, again and again.

The difference between Joe and his dog is certainly deep,
I suppose that his dog wouldn't shit where it sleeps.
Joe should sleep on some newspaper, instead of his sheets,
Cuz those things cost money, they sure aint cheap.

The moral of the story is plain to see,
Wrap a bag around your body if you're feeling diseased,
Take ammodium for your gut, and aspirin for your head,
And maybe you wont shit in your bed.

UPDATE: Domenica has sent me a few more lines that I have to include, cuz they made me chuckle so much. If you have a line or 2, put them in the comments section, or email them to me and I'll post them.

It's plain to see, yours is a friendship so true,
To be telling the tale of Joe, his stomach grumbling, him rolling in poo.
The story he told was not at all "charming",
from where I was, it was quite alarming!

To set the record straight, although I bore witness to Joe's unfortunate state,
No laying in it on my part. I just woke up to what I thought was a REALLY smelly fart.
All kidding aside, it wasnt a pretty sight,but Joe took it like a man and took a shower twice!

Goodbye Mayor. You'll be missed.....and I'll miss you most of all Scarecrow.

Eulogy part 2

What more can be said about the Mayor and his Blog?

Mitchieville was a place where we could cast off the daily grind, and relax with a few words of wisdom from our brother Blogger.

The Mayor was always quick to keep us up to date on current events. He was informative and helpful. He never made fun of his readers, (see picture). What a swell guy.

In fact, he had a soft spot when listening to his constituents concerns.

Even after a dirty campaign fight with his nemesis Jerry Casby. He often let his tenderness show through when he blogged.

If it weren’t for the Mayor I would have never known the dead body guy, or how to talk to women. He had an ingrained ability to show me there was always another way to look at the world.

Yes sir, that man was special......Oh God....I'm tearing up.....I promised him I wouldn't cry.

Tomorrow I will end this tribute with my three favourite Mitchieville moments. Saying, Picture and Post. Be advised to bring a box of tissues......

Thus quote the Mayor..."Evermore"

All right, it was a week ago the Mayor decided he was closing the doors to his Blog forever.

In memory of his wit, and humour, and humanitarianism...really I could go on, but I won’t, I had a fitting tribute planned with some of my favourite posts, and links from his site. I spent hours upon hours, scouring his archives, looking for the gems and then what happens?

The Mayor comes out of a three day retirement and starts posting again like a madman. I think as of today he had posted 782 new Blogs in three days. Holy fuck! Did his special Columbian shipment finally get here or something?

Well, you know what? Fuck it! I’m giving the bastard the send-off he deserves whether he likes it or not. And this is no easy task. It could take a few days as my researchers, (me), comb the annuls, (Huh,huh...I said annuls), of his Blog.

Mitchieville was a fun place, a nice place,...dare I say it?....A wonderful place where we could all go on a daily basis and run free like buffalo roaming the open plains, until they were all slaughtered.

There among the pages was the kind, sensitive, comedic foray of our extraordinary Mayor.

Who will ever forget some of his priceless links? Links like "Fat chicks in party hats," or "hamsters in hats," for that matter. He was willing to link the risky, "Jesus of the week," and "dad this is Karen," to the absurd: Some idiot who thinks he's Peter Pan other than M.J.


The Mayor will always be remembered as a great lover of animals, (Not in the biblical sense), but kindness, (see picture), yet strange obsession towards them. Seals and penguins in particular were his favourite.

His amazing ability to help others through posts like this one, and his selfless awareness of self being. I mean who could ever forget The Mayor's quest for hits by putting his balls on the line?....Yes we will miss the Mayor.

The Mayor's disappearing act

As some of you may know, I have been concerned about my friend the Mayor over the past few days, and his persistent declarations that he has decided to quit Blogging.

Yesterday I dropped by the office to wish him a great St. Patty’s Day and perhaps coax him out for a green pint or two.

The office was empty. I was about to leave when I heard a grunt emerge from beneath his desk. There I found the Mayor on a small mattress of urine stained yellow, where he’d apparently spent the night in solitude. His hair was a dishevelled mess, which I found very odd since the Mayor doesn’t have any hair. He refused to come out, but waved two pair of tickets at me from his humble domicile.

"Which would you rather see, David Copperfield or the theatre production of Lord of the Rings?" He said.

"Can’t I go to both?"

"They’re both for tonight."

"Why don’t you just start blogging again and go yourself."

"No!"

I said. "Dude you have to get off this crazy twelve-step program you’re on."

"Do you want them or not? Choose!"

"Ok David Copperfield....no...Lord of the Rings....no Copperfield."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, cause maybe Copperfield will pick me from the audience when he does one of those 'teleporting an audience member to where they want to go,' tricks and I can have him send me to Lord of the Rings....huh?"

The Mayor popped his head up so just his eyes appeared above the horizon of the mahogany. "You’re crazy, you know that?"

"This from a man living under his desk," I responded.

"Ok...here." He handed me both pairs. "Copperfield is out of town. Go see my midget man servant Pano, and he will take you to the show in the chopper."

"What’s wrong with the Jet? Why can’t I take the jet?"

"The jet’s being used as a temporary methadone clinic for homeless addicts."

"Jesus! Things are really falling apart around here fast."

Once again the seats were beyond reproach. Both shows were entertaining, yet lacking the fullness of entertainment satisfaction. I guess I should have selected just one show. And I don't think Copperfield was too pleased when I punched an elderly man and caught the frisbee. I told him I didn't want to be teleported to Austrailia. I wanted to be sent to the Lord of the Rings.

He whispered out the side of his mouth. "Tell the audience you want to go to Austrailia."

"No!" I said. "I already have the tickets. I want to go The Lord of the Rings."

Copperfield sighed. " Ladies and gentlemen, I will now send this man to Austrailia. He may age a bit in the process."

"What the..."

He threw a tarp over me. Made me disappear. I was whiskied off the stage in secret. Thrown into the back of a limo and told never to come back to any of his shows. Apparently, someone who looked more like the elderly chap I stole the frisbee from, appeared on a beach in Brisbane to the cummunal awe of those in attendance.

As for the Mayor he is now past the 72nd hour of his non-blogging March madness. I urge you. Go to him now! Request that he ends his literary famine and open up the gates of his unusual and dark comedic brain once more. Plus I hear he’s looking to dump some Platinum seats, court side, for the Raptor’s game .

Queen La-thief-a

Once again I was the recipient of the Mayor’s hospitality. This time through GIGC.

She was stopping by the Mayor’s office to drop off a stick of French bread, a fruit basket, and just to say hi.

She found him in his now depressed state, wallowing in anguish. He paused long enough to remove the gun from his mouth and asked her, "do you want some really sweet tickets to see Queen and Paul Rogers?"

"Where did you get them?"

"I stole them," he replied.

"Really?" She said.

"No not really. Haven't you heard? I don't want to Blog anymore."

"Oh." She said. "Well....good luck with all that."

Then she asked the question most troubling her brain. "What’s the catch? What do I have to do for these tickets?"

He said, "Make sure you take Strange with you".

Although faced with a hard decision, she relented and took the tickets.

First of all, I don’t know where the Mayor keeps getting these seats but they were again spectacular. We were dead centre on the floor about five rows back from the catwalk stage that jutted out into the audience like some phallic beast.

Brian May was so close he actually sweated on me several times, burning my eyes. He’ll be hearing from my lawyer.

The show was amazing. They played that Vanilla Ice song, then they played that David Bowie "Pressure" song, a bunch of Bad Company songs, and topped it all off with that Wayne’s World song, and the other one you some times hear in sports arenas.

The only downfall of the evening was, being that close to the stage tends to scare audiences when the band members are, how should I say, of a more mature age. I can’t imagine the horror of actually being that close to seeing the Stones perform. It would be simply terrifing.

Paul Rogers looked like Chuck Norris which in itself is scarry enough. Although he didn’t look like the 65 year old Chuck. He looked more like the 62 year old Chuck.

I think Kelsey Grammar was on keyboards, and the guitarist from Loverboy on rhythm. Not Mike Reno, the other red bandana wearing freak, what’s his name.

Then there was Roger Taylor who had a fat Rutger Hauer vibe going on. I nearly shit myself twice when he was allowed to linger near the edge of the catwalk.

In all a great show. I can’t wait to see what the Mayor has for us next. That is, if he’s still alive?

Mayor makes amends

Earlier in the year the Mayor sent me and GIGC to a Leafs game to watch them play the San Jose Sharks. Said he was giving us his special seats. Seats that nearly caused me to have a brain aneurysm, they were up so high . So when the Mayor offered us tickets while the Bruins were in town. I had to think twice.

He assured me these were much better ducats than the previous offering. He told me he had been given the seats as a gift with his newly loaded Ford Explorer that has bullet proof glass. (That's what you need when you give your kid a loaded fire-arm for his birthday.)

I asked him, "How come you aren't going to the game?"

He said he couldn’t go because he was having surgery on an annoying goiter.

I said, "Really?"

And he said, "No. Not really. I just don't feel like going. In fact, I don't feel like doing anything. You know what? I'm going to quit Blogging."

Just like that. He blurted it out in the snap of fingers like switch-blade steel. "I'm going to quit Blogging."

It was at that point that I asked the Mayor the most important question of all. "So...uh..do you have the tickets on you or do I have to pick them up?"

Fortunately he had them on him and handed them over with a sad expression that should've been reserved for the creepiest of clowns.

Well let me tell you people. The seats were in the ACC restaurant, right on the glass, overlooking the rink, and were spectacular. I think that is the first time I’ve ever had a meal where I actually looked snooty while I ate.

They brought us pheasant, lobster, grilled partridge, stuffed mushrooms, fillet minion, the works. It was hard to watch the game there was so much food and booze.

Initially the match between the two juggernauts was not going the way of the Buds and GIGC, being the fan she is, was not taking things lightly. Let's just say, shortly after someone threw a piece of prime rib and Yorkshire pudding onto the ice, the boys turned it around. They came back to win in a shootout 5-4.

Wow! What a game.

However, a few times during the evening, I think when I was at the urinal, my thoughts turned back to the Mayor and his strange demeanor. "He's going to quit Blogging? He can't do that. Who will I rip my stuff off of?"

So I urge you, what few readers I have, (probably all from Mitchieville anyway), to go to the Mayor's side and urge him not to quit. If that fails. I know where he lives.

We need good men like the Mayor in our lives to prove milk can still come out of our noses and your right testicle will pop like a balloon if you laugh too hard.

Mayor may not?

I admit in the dying moments of the Oscar Party Sunday, one final spin of the roulette wheel was made and the unfortunate victim of the outcome was the Mayor.

Yet, the Mayor failed to inform you, the sweet, kind, lovely people of Mitchieville, he himself was rewarded with 3 extra points earlier in the evening. When his number, 36 red, snagged the waiting gill of Ol’ Lady Luck, he rushed around like a madman. He went as far as to push my dear old, great, great, grandmother to the floor and scream, "In your face lady!"

You remember, don't you Mayor? It was in between the Bahamian Fire Dancers and the Filipino Concubines, or as Geddy Lee commented right before he passed out into the crab-dip, "Somewhere between the bright lights and the far unlit unknown."

For those of you who dropped advanced math: Subtract those 3 points from the Mayor’s score and he is no better than tied for the lead with the eventual winner, young, tender, fragile, adorable Larissa before she was awarded the points of a tie-breaking spin.

The Mayor would lead you to believe a conspiracy was at work, but it was nothing more than the cruel fickle hand of fate I assure you.

However, never let it be said that Strange turns his back on a friend. Family member maybe, but a friend/ cohort/ soul mate? Never!

I offer the peace pipe of forgiveness and friendship, packed with Bob Noxious’ finest. I am willing to send the Mayor 2, (count ‘em two), female midget strippers, a link of Montreal smoked sausage, a condom wrapper personally autographed by David Soul, and a fruit basket.
(the autograph is going to be the deal breaker.)

The Mayor is a great friend and I would hate to lose that. Or as they say in German,
"Ich wünsche, dass ich gewusst habe, wie Sie aufzugeben."

Good luck, now get the fuck out

Tonight is Jerry Casby’s grand farewell gala. He is saying goodbye to Mitchieville for the lower profile of a council position in Calgary.

The grand ball is by invitation only. Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Joaquin Phoenix, Jessica Alba, Heath Ledger, Reese Witherspoon, and the chicks from Desperate Housewives will all be there.....naw just kidding, but I’ll probably get a few hits from searches over Blogging those names.

(pictured right: Reese Witherspoon prepares not to attend the Jerry Casby function.)

There’s just going to be a few famous Canadian celebs....Personally I can’t think of any. Maybe the ensemble from Corner Gas or Bruno Gerussi back from the grave? I don’t know.

However, I’m not worried about who I run into. I’m just concerned I’ll drink too much like I did last time.



I can’t afford to loose the one arm I have left. See what happened.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/beer.html

No more dessert for Pedro

So what, Harper’s Conservatives squeaked out a Tory minority. Who really cares? Most Americans who visit this site probably were unaware we had an election last night let alone one where we changed Prime Ministers.

The real tragedy of this whole debacle is not Party platforms or a change in power. The real tragedy is Independent Pedro Gonsalves who lost to incumbent Liberal Dan McTeague in Pickering Scarborough East.

Not only does Pedro have to deal with defeat, he has to contend with the rampant theft of all his "Vote for Pedro" signs. A heinous criminal act he is at a loss to explain.

Undaunted in the fact everyone he ran against receive more votes, Pedro is now setting his sites on running for Mayor of Mitchieville. However, unless his campaige involves cheep hookers and booze, I'd say his chances of success are slim and none.

Happy Anniversary...Happy Anniversary...Happy, Happy, Happy....etc.

Technically it’s tomorrow that the Mayor’s Blog in Mitchieville celebrates the first year of existence, but what the hell.

Sorry about the cake Mayor. It was all they had. It was a busy week for kid's parties and they were all out of the tits and ass cakes. It was either this or My Little Pony and I know you are still suffering the shell shock of the "My Little Pony 2001 incident."

I’m looking forward to another year of the outrageous and the asinine in Mitchieville. Cheers for 2006 my brother.

She may be #1, but guess who's #3?

The other day, a list was released of the world's top Mayors.

Dora Bakoyannis Mayor of Athens, (pictured right), was voted #1.
Hurricane Hazel McCallion of Mississauga, (the picture's not necessary is it?), snagged the #2 slot.
And our very own Mayor of Mitchieville finished a close third.

Congrats to the Mayor for his recognition on the world stage.

I bet you didn’t know this but Mitchieville came that close *tiny gap between thumb and index finger* to getting the 2006 winter Olympics. Hell, Barrie only beat us out for Live 8 because Bob, the guy who arranges City festivities was away on vacation in Aruba.

Dora Bakoyannis was elected the 48th Mayor of Athens on 20 October 2002. With her victory she broke several records that had stood for generations:
• She is the first woman chosen to lead Athens in the 3,000-year history of Europe’s oldest capital.
• She won by a larger majority – 61 per cent -- than any Athens mayor in the history of modern Greece.
• She is the first woman to have served as Mayor of a city hosting the Olympic Games, which was held in Athens half way through her term in the summer of 2004.

In November 2003, at the age of 82, Hazel McCallion started her 10th term of Mayor of Mississauga, a city of some 680,000 people just to the south-west of Toronto. Mayor McCallion celebrated her first mayoral election victory in 1978 and, during her 25 years in office, both she and the city she leads have set new standards in Canadian municipal government. Mississauga is one of a few cities in Canada that are debt-free. In fact, the city has not had to borrow money since 1978. (picture here if you really want to see, but don't say I didn't warn ya.)


Pictured right, the Mayor of Mitchieville takes a break from ice fishing at his remote cottage in Nunivit to enjoy the spoils of third place. All hail his excellence!

Tit for tat

I have come under some fire since I started posting pictures of the Mayor on my site. Cries of injustice, of how I’m hurting him in the polls, etc. And me, being his campaign manager and all, how could I do this?

To show you that I am not without a sense of fair play, compassion and sensitivity, I am posting a picture of the Mayor’s chief adversary, Jerry Casby.

This picture is of Mr. Casby’s recent, so-called, political trip to Thailand where he paid a young concubine $80 U.S. to perform this lewd act on him better known as the, "Atomic Wedgie." Obviously from the expression on his face he was not expecting to find the ever present eyes of the paparazzi waiting for him.

I also promise to post an incriminating picture of myself in the near future as a token of remorse to my good friend and frequent bath-house buddy, the Mayor.

Move along....nothing to see here

This is the final picture that exists of The Mayor. This was taken shortly after his failed hair implementation/ conjoined head operation. It was a difficult procedure that he eventually decided to reverse. In my opinion, a wise decision.

So-so sorry....

My apologies. It appears my post of the Mayor’s picture yesterday was actually doctored. The Mayor would never, and I mean NEVER wear socks with sandals even when he was a fashion guru. Fortunately I have the correct untouched image today. The picture is of The Mayor taking a well deserved break from shooting, as a Hobbit extra, in Peter Jackson’s, Lord of the Rings. What? You don’t think the Mayor was in New Zealand? Just ask him.

Picture this

The Mayor posted a picture recently on his Blog, and boasted that it was one of four in existence.

Perhaps it would interest you, my readership, to know that I, Strange, am in possession of the other three infamous poses. The first that I am posting is one of the Mayor in his days before political office when he was a fashion guru.

In fact, he was chief advisor for the likes of Carl Lauggerfeld and Ralf Lauren on many a catwalk. And yes, he was the one who started the socks with sandals craze.

On second thought, it now makes sense that he turned his aspirations to the political arena.

Next week: The Mayor in his crazy youth.

Friday- yes/ Sunday- no

I'm leaving Saturday morning so I thought I'd do the ol' rare Friday post-a-roo. I suppose I could post Sunday but unless you are able to translate gibberish, I’m not sure that I’ll have anything coherent to say. Hell, I’m not sure I’m going to post tomorrow, but I’ll try. I have to stop squandering so much time reading the comment section in the Mitchievillian, (that’s the local newspaper, isn’t it?).....oh Christ! Am I talking out loud and typing this as well.

I have to increase my meds.