Tasteless cartoon of the week

Kick the baby!....Don't kick the baby

Hire me Motherblogger!

Five years ago, few people had heard of blogs — online journals that are commonly used to chronicle the lives and opinions of their authors.

Of course you already know that, otherwise what are you doing here?

Now, more than two million Americans are blogging, according to a study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project — and blogging is spreading in the job market, said hiring managers and experts who study blogging.

I guess Canada is just another state?

"It's a little like a prescreening," said Roy Singham, the company's chief executive at Jupiter Research in New York who covers blogs. "We're looking for needles in haystacks, and the blog is like a massive magnet."

From some of the Blogs I've seen, a massive shit magnet.

However, it is advised, if you wish to get noticed by companies scouring Blogs for the right employee to fill vacancies, avoid strong political views, sexual or religious links.

Or basically, everything that makes up most Blogs.....OK just don't look at the Adult Friend Finder link and I'll cancel my "Jesus Loves Me- Dailey Message" link I was going to put up this week.

He added: "That's the advantage of blogging — if you do it well and have interesting things to say, people pay attention."

So much for me then. Good luck with your search guys......worthless assholes.....Did I say that out loud?

Don't move! Or the bitch gets it!

Dogs are being kidnapped at an alarming rate, some even at gun point. Especially purebred Yorkshire terriers which can fetch (no pun intended) up to $2,000 each.

$2,000? For a Yorkie?.........Fuuuuuck......Why?....All that dog does is eat, shit, sleep, yap, and make more Yorkshire terriers.

Pirates of the Atlantic

Deep-sea explorers said Friday they have mined what could be the richest shipwreck treasure in history, bringing home 17 tons of colonial-era silver and gold coins from an undisclosed site in the Atlantic Ocean. Estimated value: $500 million.

Wow!......That would buy you a shit load of Yorkshire Terriers.


Tinky Winky gets the last laugh

Tinky Winky may be gay, but Jerry Falwell's dead...game, set, match....In your face God.

Now on to more important news like....Have they finished building that Hooker Haven on Toronto Island yet? And how to unlock your car door with a tennis ball.


Ham-as's- M-O-U-S-E

A program using a Mickey Mouse-like character to urge Palestinian children to fight Israel and the West and work for world Islamic domination has been pulled off a Hamas TV station for review.

Palestinian Information Minister Mustafa Barghouti said the use of the cartoon character in such a role represented a "mistaken approach" to the Palestinian struggle against Israeli occupation.

But you be the judge. Is it just me or does the militant mouse sound strangely similar to those recordings of Osama bin Laden?



No wonder Prince Harry's not going to Iraq.

The ratings game

Smoking will be a bigger factor in determining film ratings, the Motion Picture Association of America said but critics state the move does not go far enough to discourage teens from taking up the habit.

That adds smoking to a list of such factors as sex, violence and language in determining the MPAA’s G, PG, PG-13, R and NC-17 ratings.

However, I hear they have backed off their original assessment coming to a more reasonable compromise. Now a film will only receive the new rating if it involves a vagina smoking a cigarette.

Little Willy Willy won't

For those of you who were hoping to poke Prince William on Facebook, forget it. It was a hoax.

First the General Lee now this.

"Facebook removes any content that is in violation of our terms of use, including fake profiles," a Facebook spokeswoman told Fox News "After investigating the profile for William Wales, we found that it was a fake profile and we removed it from the site. We encourage users to report any violations of our terms."

No wonder Prince Harry's not going to Iraq.....

You don't know Diddley

Come on...sing with me....

Bo Diddley clearly was not himself,
His speech recognition was on the shelf,
When all his ailments finally broke,
Poor Bo Diddley done had a stroke,

Bo Diddley almost bought the farm,
Shoulda been aware bout the pain in his arm,
Rushed to a hospital, put em in a bed,
Otherwise Bo might’ve wound up dead,

Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley,
Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley.

Now he’s havin' trouble can’t speak, can’t talk,
sure can’t play no guitar rock,
With a little improvement day by day
You might hear the doctors say:

Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley,
Hey bo diddley, oh bo diddley.

Heeeeey!

Happy Days the musical? What is the world coming to?

No wonder Prince Harry's not going to Iraq.

Can no one out there rub two brains together and come up with an original idea for theatre?

Apparently not.

We have to rehash ABBA and Queen, pick the bones of Dr. Seuss, adapt Hairspray and Dirty Dancing. Why, there’s even a Spiderman musical in the works. Outside of the theme song I can’t see how that will work?

So, trying to stay one step ahead of the so-called "creative genius", I'd like to present:

Musicals I’d pay to see.

Quentin Tarantino presents "Stuck in the Middle With You"
300 -the Musical
Terminator on the Roof

And

Musicals I wouldn’t pay to see.

Pirates of the Opera "At Worlds End"
Les MiserabLove Boat
Mama Mia Farrow

Iraqnophobia

LONDON) — Britain's Prince Harry will not be sent with his unit to Iraq, Britain's top general said Wednesday, citing specific threats to the third in line to the throne.

Army Chief of Staff Gen. Sir Richard Dannatt said the changing situation on the ground exposed the prince to too much danger.

"There have been a number of specific threats, (not to mention Hamas Mice) some reported and some not reported, that relate directly to Prince Harry as an individual," Dannatt said. "These threats exposed him and those around him to a degree of risk I considered unacceptable."

Didn't see that coming.

Cross posted on Mitchieville

New release this week

With the death of Jerry Falwell this week, you might be in need of some spiritual guidance. Maybe even spiritual guidance x2? Therefore I recommend: The Amason Twins- Hallelujah! the Lord is Coming Again. Too bad Falwell's not here to see it.

Thursday by the numbers

OK, since my statement about the Big Smoke being the city of losers, I've somehow magically bestowed good fortune on Toronto's sports teams- those still playing anyway. The Blue Jays have strung together a series of wins including a sweep of Baltimore and Toronto FC has won a couple as well, including a win against the defending champions from Houston. To the aforementioned FC I dedicate the first link.

Top 10 dumbest soccer goals scored.

Top 10 ugliest rockstars.

10 greatest motherf....curses in movie history.

Top 10 Pulp Fiction parodies.

Top 10 boob products.

*ding! ding! ding! ding!*

Bonus boob link.

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Cats are funny...drunk ones even more so

...What you say? A mental disorder?....Whatever, it's still funny.

They sure didn't make toys like that when I was a kid #8

But I sure wish they had. Getting in a girls pants would have been so much easier. "Of course I'm sure it said 'left hand- penis'".

Hey, you don't suppose if they gave these out to Afghan prisoners there'd be less allegations of torture do you?

Mother's Day special: Tasteless cartoon of the week

Hello from the city of losers

That would be Toronto for those of you who might not know. A place where we’re actually disappointed if our sports teams don’t suck.

The Leafs didn’t qualify for the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the Raptors bowed out in 6 games to the New Jersey Nets, the Blue Jays have been decimated by injuries and are 1-9 in their last 10 games.

Does anyone know if our soccer team- Toronto FC- have even scored a goal yet? Thank God Ricky Williams tested positive for marijuana. He might actually have to stay another year with the Argos.

Now, If I had posted this yesterday morning as I intended, I wouldn’t have to deal with the Blue Jays winning their second in a row and Toronto FC not only scoring their first goal, but actually winning..... All I can say is, Thank God for the Leafs.

That’s all folks

Warner Brothers has decided to pull all screenings of up coming films such as Harry Potter, Nancy Drew and Oceans 13 because of Canada’s lax laws on movie piracy.

Which is OK by me. I’ve already downloaded and seen those films. They all sucked.

Turning over a new four leaf clover

Sworn enemies from Northern Ireland's bitter past joined forces Tuesday atop a new Northern Ireland government, an astonishing achievement that both sides pledged would consign decades of death and destruction to history.

The official celebration of the merger will be followed by a good old fashion piss-up and a big donnybrook.

Pops come to blows

The Boston Pops' opened their concert season with a brawl in the balcony at Symphony Hall.

The fight started after one of the two men involved tapped the other on the shoulder with a program to complain about noise, police said.

I'm still waiting word on whether they are members of the Irish Parliment, or if the Pops were performing the 1812 Overture.

Hazzard hoax upsets Duke

Actor John Schneider found out this week, the nearly $10 million eBay bid for General Lee – the 1969 Dodge Charger made famous by "The Dukes of Hazzard" television series – is a hoax.

The $9,900,500 million bid to buy the coveted piece of TV land, sent shockwaves through the online auction world and set an eBay record, but has missed the first payment deadline.

Was the bidders name, Hugh Jass, any clue?

Video Ozzfest or SHARON the spotlight

Ozzy Osbourne is giving fans the chance to direct his video for "I Don’t Wanna Stop", the first single from his May 22 Epic release "Black Rain". The winning clip will become the official video and will be serviced to video outlets all over the world. This is the ultimate Ozzy fan’s chance — on their own terms, with all the right tools — to work with the Ozzman himself while getting few accolades.

Which just goes to show, aging rockers are cheap, lazy bastards.

IKEA parkingfluggen, but you have to put it together yourself

By the end of the month, IKEA will set aside two parking spots for environmentally friendly hybrid vehicles at each of its 11 superstore parking lots.
It's part of a flurry of green initiatives being pitched to Canadian consumers this year, as firms from retailers to banks and insurers aim to capitalize on the growing realization of the effects of climate change.

Personally I couldn’t care less. I always get great parking when I shop. Why, just this week I got a fantastic deal on a computer desk and a fridge with the door missing, while getting primo parking right next to the curb. Beat that IKEA.

MexiCanada

Federal documents revealed, more Canadians were reported assaulted while visiting Mexico over the past seven years than any other travel destination.

A total of 1,133 Canadian travellers reported to Canadian authorities they were assaulted on foreign soil between the years 2000 and 2006. Of those, Mexico leads the list with 173 reported assault cases. China was next with 105 and Cuba with 62. Thailand was fourth with 45 and the United States followed with 40

They also found out of all the travel destinations Mexico is where you are most likely to see Mexicans, so watch out!

Cross posted on Mitchieville

New release this week

On a personal note: This one goes out to my new buddy Blue Boy.

This week I recommend: The Best of the Singing Postman.

It will make you want to listen to his back catalogue. I think his second album was called "The Postman Always Sings Twice"?

What the F...indeed!

Below are the two posts that were supposed to be on Tuesday. For some strange reason they showed up today.......BEHOLD! The speed of the mighty internet......Canada Post gets shit to me faster.

What the F...revisited

F5 apparently, more than 3/4 of a mile wide that wiped out Greenburg Kansas Friday night.

We're not in Kansas anymore

The after effects of the tornado

What the F...!

Initially I had hoped to post the YouTube of the F5 that devastated Greenburg Kansas last Friday on my blog. However, every time I tried to load it and was greeted by the message, "Your video will appear shortly", it failed to materialize.

Today I tried, unsuccessfully, to post it again. Yet the same message, "Your video will appear shortly" blinked at me relentlessly despite the contrary.

In other words YouTube, you lied to me.

Now I expect to be lied to by my elected officials. I know my parents have lied to me at some time in my life for my own good. My girl GIGC has lied pretty every time she has vocalized a satisfying orgasm during our sexual romps. Even my Son has lied to me. BTW Tristan I know that's your weed under the Christmas decorations in the shed because I keep mine in the old rubber boot.

I've heard lies from bosses, teachers, priests, police....there's no way I was driving that fast.

Why, I've even told the odd fib myself.....Honestly I don't know who's panties they are.

But YouTube?

I'm shocked...I'm stunned....I'm a tad disappointed.

All I wanted was a video of a tornado causing destruction. What I got was a crushing emptiness that can never be filled. Thanks YouTube.

Offensive by default

For some reason, the YouTubes wouldn't load today so do to the technical difficulty we now join the tasteless cartoon of the week already in progress.

They sure didn't make toys like that when I was a kid #7

So Spiderman was #1 at the box office. Honestly who didn't see that coming? However I bet you didn't think you'd see the following? You see, to try to make back the millions spent already on production and advertising etc. the Spiderman brand has been licenced to everything from tampons to pillowcase nighties and this next item......It doesn’t spin a web, any size. But it catches fish…using flies. Look out! Here comes the prosthetic Spiderman fishing rod arm.

Here's the beef

Preggo mothers who eat 7 or more servings of beef a week are likely to have baby boys with low sperm counts.

Don't look at me. I didn't say it. I'm just the messenger. Unless you are counting the penis, a.k.a. the beef syringe, or cock sausage, I don’t know any woman- pregnant or otherwise- that chows on cow that much in a single week.

More scientific studies dead ahead

Beer shrinks your brain.
White guys are 50% more likely to have heart attacks.
Coffee lowers your cholesterol......coffee....is there anything it can’t do?

Doan push me cause I’m close to the edge

I'm sure you've heard about the scrutiny Phoenix Coyote Shane Doan has come under for being made captain of the Canadian hockey team?

How "supposedly" Mr. Doan uttered a racist remark 2 years ago at a game in Montreal towards a French Canadian official, and how Hockey Canada is being called in to question for even having him on the team.

Yes....this is your tax dollars hard at work, even though there are greater issues to tackle like- What the fuck is going on with gas prices, or keeping in context- where's Vincent Lecavalier or Martin St.Louis, both French Canadians who turned down offers to represent their country?

Next they’ll be convening to ask why Captain Canada was allowed to score a hat trick in a game against Belarus at the world championship on Friday.

What a bunch of useless motherfuckers politicians are. There’s one for the language committee to ponder. I mean could they waste our money on anything more assinine?

Foot protection

Bigfoot, the legendary hairy man-like beast said to roam the wildernesses of North America, is not shy, merely so rare it risks extinction and should be protected as an endangered species.

So says Canadian MP Mike Lake who has called for Bigfoot to be protected under Canada's species at risk act, alongside Whooping Cranes, Blue Whales, and Red Mulberry trees.

I just got my answer.

Vote for the worst Canadian

The Beaver: Canada's History Magazine is inviting nominations for the "worst Canadian" in the country's past.

It's part of an online promotion launched this week by the magazine, the flagship publication of the National History Society, for its August-September issue. In the issue, 10 prominent Canadian writers and historians will state their case for their choice of the worst character from the seamier side of Canadian life.

I nominate my paper boy, who treats my Saturday Star like a 5th grade science experiment. Every time it rains it's always hanging half out of the plastic bag....if it's in a bag at all. Little bastard's probably on the Language Committee too?

Glove me tender

NASA has awarded $200,000 to the creator of a new spacesuit glove that beat out its competitors and NASA's own current glove in tests of strength, flexibility and comfort. Aspects of the design could be used in future NASA spacesuits.

The Astronaut Glove Challenge was part of a series of NASA-funded contests called Centennial Challenges. NASA promised $200,000 in prize money for anyone who could design a glove capable of outperforming the existing gloves used by NASA astronauts, as well as beating those of other entrants in the competition.

Next up? A condom that doesn't feel like you're doing laundry with mittens on....I hope.

General is King

eBay has put up John Schneider's own personal General Lee, the 1969 Dodge Charger used in the "Dukes of Hazzard," which was sold yesterday for a whopping.......

(best Dr. Evil voice), 9! Milllllion 900, 500 dollars. Hey I can’t get $500 for my 1990 Honda...go figure?

72virgins.com

A new report released, states terrorists love the Internet, so-much-so, besides doing their banking on line, they are also recruiting, chatting with other terrorists in secure chat rooms, and researching all their info i.e. "Building the Perfect Dirty Bomb", "The Ins and Outs of Planes vs Tall Buildings", and "Suicide Bombing for Dummies".

Hasslehoff’s got talent

But don’t let me tell you about it. See for yourself....just in case you haven't seen it already on every other blog, entertainment news cast, or media service.



Pottahawk

The time is coming my brothers and sisters. It's only a little over two months away until the best day of the year.....Pottahawk!

New release this week

Only in Toronto, could a non play-off team make headlines during the Stanley Cup play-offs.

One source says Leaf Captain Mats Sundin needs potentially career ending hip surgery. Others say it is a vicious act to sabotage contract negotiations.

With all the yammering I'd like to make the following recommendation.....No....it's not "Hip to be Square" by Huey Lewis and the News.....wait for it.

I recommend: Understand Your Swede by Jimmy Jensen. And why does he have what looks like an axe in his hand?

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Who's more famousr?

Or would that be famousrer? You decide. See how far you get.

Cat Head Theatre

They sure didn't make toys like that when I was a kid #6

What more can I say?....I mean honestly.

Unimpressed with the week

It was a real blasé week for news. So much so I won’t be cross posting on Mitchieville. I’d be embarrassed.

Sure, if I thought hard enough I could come up with something witty to say about the sportscaster who admitted to his fan base he really is a transsexual, and is switching teams, or how we’re killing honey bees every time we use our cell phones, or how it’s now appropriate to cry at work- hell, I’m crying as a write this- I might even have a word or two to say about Toronto being chosen as the 2nd best “City of the future”- what with the transsexuals crying on cell phones as they kill off the bee population, but I’m unimpressed.


I’m unimpressed that Spinal Tap will reunite to turn it up to 11 and help fight climate change.

I’m unimpressed that there is talk of putting a giant reflective umbrella in space to help shield us from the now deadly sun and fight global warming. I mean what about the people with S.A.D. do they not care?

I’m unimpressed they found a new Earth-like planet we can’t get to, called 581C. Who cares? I saw Aliens. I already know there are eggs with face-huggers just waiting there for us to find in some derelict space craft.

I’m slightly interested, but still unimpressed that criminals are doing their laundry by buying ATM's, filling it with dirty money and getting yours in return every time you complete a transaction.

I’m unimpressed that fat guys take more sick days and injure themselves more on the job than there svelte counterparts....mainly because I am one of those fat guys.

I'm not sure I care that cancer is poised to surpass heart disease as the number 1 killer....I mean either way....you're dead, right?

I’m even unimpressed that Stephen Hawking is weightless at 30 second intervals and in his monosyllabic, computer voice is repeatedly saying, “wooppeeeeee”, or "A sphincter says 'what'".

I’m unimpressed because I've just learned that BBQ, boiled, or deep fried food is killing me slowly with emissions called A.G.E.....yeah that's right....no link.....cause they don't want you to know......muthafuckas! I suppose next they'll tell you sex causes cancer? Not that I have to worry about it much.

New release this week

But what to pay tribute to? Scotty beams up tomorrow along with the ashes of astronaut Gordo Cooper and a 100 others, yet Boris Yeltsin died this week. You can see my dilemma.....Perhaps there's a way I can pay homage to both....hmmmm. I recommend: Ferrante and Teicher- Blast Off!

Last Thursday of the month by the numbers

What a shitty month this was. Now it's time for some kick ass links to the numbers.

The top 10 kick ass mainstream lesbian scenes. OK I'll admit not exactly the link to start off with when you want to kick ass, but it does gets better. This link is for GIGC.....enjoy, baby.

The top 10 bad ass movie chicks. Now if this could be combined with the first link then we'd be talking'!

The top 10 embarrassing ways to die in real life, except these are fictitious, but if they weren't, boy would they be embarrassing except they're not......Am I getting cyclical?

And.....15 "Holy shit!" moments.

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Karaoke

Went out for some B-day celebrations last friday. Friends, food and Karaoke. Too bad these idiots wouldn't get off the stage.

They sure didn't make toys like this when I was a kid #5

I hear they're building a Harry Potter theme park in Fla. Looking at this toy, I'm wondering....is that such a good idea?

Keeping things low tech

I guess it's "I don't like Monday's" again? OK....FINE! Let's just get it over with off the top. But....I'm not mentioning names, posting pictures, or making references to 8 year anniversaries of similar events. However, I will say, "Way to go Virginia!" *clap,clap* "Way to sell tourism.....for psycos and degenerates!"

Come to Virginia. We have the most lax gun laws in the U.S. Take home a souvenir fire arm. All you need is I.D. and a credit card.

Brilliant.....bloody brilliant.

While we're at it. "Way to go NBC! Thanks for sensationalizing everything. Wow! And only one week after firing Don Imus for inappropriate comments.

Yup! No hypocrisy there.

Beating around the Bush

This week President Bush said, "It's hard to make sense out of such tragedy and human suffering."

Finally! He's admitting Iraq was a mistake. Good for you George W.

No Bones about it

Meanwhile in T.V. land, crime drama Bones which stars David Boreanaz.....

Wasn't he that vampire guy Angel from Buffy?

....had an episode pulled this week because the subject matter was too close to the bone- if you'll excuse the pun- to recent events.

Can't say it affected me much....I don't watch Bones...or Buffy and Angel when they were on for that matter...too girlie for my liking. Now let's get back to discussing subjects like: Why are they making a theatrical musical for Dirty Dancing?

Middleton of the road

Prince William and Kate Middleton ended their relationship this week. The royal relationship is by far the most talked about break-up in recent memory. Almost every publication in the UK had an opinion as to why they ended their long-term union. In fact, several publications claim to know the so-called "real story" behind the break-up. Some claim it was Prince William's time in the military, some say it was his philandering ways, and another popular rumor claims it has to do with Kate Middleton's commoner status in the socially-stratified nation.

The real reason? To keep every boy's hope alive of one day becoming Queen of England.

Fruit or vegetable?

The debate rages on: Is the watermelon a fruit or a vegetable? Some say because it's a member of the cuck family, thus it should be considered a vegetable. But it's so sweet and tasty, others say fruit.

Imagine the poor people of Alabama who have Watermelon as the official state fruit. Losers! Should have followed Virgina's lead and made guns your state fruit.


Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!

It may stand upright in a glass or lie on a counter, barely noticed until we need it. But that ubiquitous bathroom standby -- the lowly toothbrush -- is likely giving houseroom to some pretty nasty inhabitants.

We're taking germs here, folks. Microscopic bacteria, viruses and fungi -- and you're putting them daily into your mouth.

This warning brought to you by toothbrush manufacturers.

It is said you should change your toothbrush every time you get sick, after illness, before long bus trips, when visiting the zoo, during pregnancy, before and after sex and when logging on to Strangedaze, (or in other words once every six months or so).

I should also add, you should change your toothbrush every time you get a picture in the mail of some guy with your toothbrush stuffed up his ass. It happens more that you would suspect. Believe me.

I guess next they'll be saying we pay too much in taxes?

We pay too much in taxes. 45% of your income goes to paying the government in some form or another in tax. In fact, the average family pays more in tax than housing, food and clothing combined.

In my household I think what I spend on porn would meet the percentage.

A.B. on A.I.

With the help of the greatest actor on the planet, Alec Baldwin, I'd like to comment on American Idol's Sanjaya.

Strange: Finally! Sanjaya Malakar got voted off American Idol. The guy sang like my
ass chews gum.

Baldwin: What is he, 12 years old, or 11 years old? He didn't have the brains or the decency of a human being. He's insulted me for the last time.

Strange: Well said Alec, yet he may not be the next American Idol, but Sanjaya has been invited to be a guest at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. A guest list including the likes of Jane Fonda, Teri Hatcher, John Cusack, Sheryl Crow, Dennis Hopper and Morgan Fairchild. Among the politicos expected are Condi Rice, Robert Kennedy Jr. and Henry Kissinger. Are you upset with the White House for not being included? What would you say given the chance.

Baldwin: I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your ass out when I see you. I'm going to let you know just how disappointed in you I am and how angry I am with you that you've done this to me again. You've made me feel like shit and you've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. You have humiliated me for the last time. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?

If you'd like a phone call from Alec go here.

Happy natal day

If I'm not mistaken, The Little Danish Girl has a birthday coming up. So, happy B-day to you. I know how fond you are of kitchen appliances and I'm sure the Mayor's going to get you the new oven you wanted.....of course it is a Dutch oven, but remember, it's the thought that counts.

Cross posted on Mitchieville

New release this week

All you loners have had a tough week under the microscope. For you I recommend: Joe Henry- Trampoline.

Tasteless cartoon of the week

What's the story Blades of Glory?

Blades of Glory is no longer #1 at the box office. It fell to Disturbia last weekend. So now it's time to put Will Ferrell back where he belongs.....on top. Go to the Will Ferrell movie generator and come up with a new idea for a Will Ferrell film; pitch it to a major studio; see the expected first week box office gross. You can even give Will his big catch phrase...well.....what are you waiting for?

Are you sure you really want to know?.....

.....how to masturbate an elephant

Forget hump day, worry about mound day

So winter is sucker punching your spring on the east coast. It's another Monday and a work week ahead. If you didn't have to contend with the word "Ho" so much from Don Imus last week, now Don Ho is dead and the horror begins anew. You'll never be able to hear "Tiny Bubbles" again without weeping uncontrollably.

In fact, you're in such a bad mood you'd probably kick the hell out of a dead hooker. In all you're probably wondering how this day can get any worse?

I have three words for you my friend: Pubic mound pulling. Go here and see what I mean. Your day just got worse.....Yeoooch!

This week brought to you by the letter "B"

B-Leaf

B- is for Blubbering: It’s almost been a week, yet I’m still hearing the whining from Leaf fans on how they were screwed by the New Jersey Devils who elected to not play star goaltender Martin Brodeur.

B- is for Brodeur: Instead the devils played their backup in the last game of the season against the New York Islanders who happened to need a win to climb past the Leafs into the final playoff spot.

B- is for B-game: However, had the Leafs brought their A- game to the Island the previous Thursday, they wouldn’t have had to watch last Sunday’s contest amid chewed finger nails. It wouldn’t have been an issue.

B- is for Buffalo: Neither would it have been when a few weeks earlier, the boys in blue, blew by blowing a 4-1 third period lead in the unholiest of holes- Buffalo.

B- is for Bower: In fact the only way Toronto is going to get a Stanley Cup ring in the foreseeable future is to find Johnny Bower’s when he loses it again in a Tim Horton’s near you.

B- is for Boo-hoo-hoo: So cry on Leaf nation and dare to dream of next year. Remember you’ll have to do it from the golf course. Oh yeah. B- is for Ball-washer.


Liver and onions with kidney pie Bueller? Anyone?

The Ontario government is considering following B.C. by paying $5,000 to people who are willing to be living donors and handing over their livers and kidneys. Nay sayers predict the implementation of such a plan will target the poor.

I tend to agree. I mean five grand?- There’s a couple of cartons of cigarettes, a case of beer, half a tank of gas, and a week’s worth of lottery tickets.

Although it's a good thing the government don't want hearts. We'd have to take the the Toronto Maple Leafs off the list.......*snap*

Bold move from down-under

After the tragic death of six Canadian soldiers this week in Afghanistan, Australia showed its support by vowing to double it’s forces to help against the Taliban.

The guy left Sydney on Thursday and should arrive in Afghanistan today.

Budget Air

RyanAir touted as the Walmart of Europe is coming here...eventually. With international destinations for as low as $14 bucks a ticket.

Of course you'll probably have to stand and it will be next to sweaty fat guys and crates of chickens, but none the less--- $14.00! Wow! I bet my son would still rather have the pack of cigarettes?

Babies for sale?

A guy has been approaching nannies at a park in Encino and asking if they would be willing to sell the babies they are looking after. So far no one has complied.

I'm sure police fear it’s only a matter of time before he tries to steal a child, or God forbid, tries to eat one. I've seen his picture and he looks like a man who would dress up as a dingo.

Butch Bomber

A female suicide bomber left 20 people dead in Iraq after detonating a bomb on Tuesday. Now she's off to see Allah and those 72 virgins.

Does that mean she was a lesbian? How long before the porn industry manipulates this into a feature? “Lauren of the Labia”.

Blight of the Imus

Don Imus was let go by CBS this week for his inappropriate comments.

Haven’t we heard enough about that nappy-headed ho?

Black Rappers 1 Imus 0- no overtime needed.

Blowing less smoke

New research shows people who are trying to quit smoking should eat more cheese and broccoli as it helps to make the taste of cigarettes less desirable.

I don’t care what they say, you won’t get my kid on that flight to Europe.
Personally, you want to quit smoking? Eat dog shit until you do. I can guarantee you’ll quit after a few days. Then you can spend your money on better things....like mouthwash.

cross posted on Mitchieville

Unlucky new release this week

Friday the 13th. You should have stayed in bed, or road your hog to Port Dover. How can it get any worse? Oh yeah! I recommend: Crying Demons.....It just got worse.

They sure didn't make toys like this when I was a kid #4

Just don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Fu Man Tuesday

My buddy Bob Noxious sent me this, he thought it was hilarious. So I watched it and I thought it was hilarious. Now it's your turn to watch 500 Impressions (in 2 Minutes)

They sure didn't make toys like this when I was a kid #3

Dora needs an orgasm. Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!

News and reviews for Gentiles and Jews

With Easter and Passover once again fighting for supremacy I thought I should structure this week's post around the two holidays. I sifted through all the events, including the one's I didn't post last week, and found most of the material- while plentiful- lacking in biblical reference. Therefore you may read on and the Easter related material will be marked with an asterisk.

But what to post?

Man arrested for drunk driving blames wife for use of vibrator in the passenger seat?

I only want to know about it if the device takes D batteries.

Walmart abandons bid to set up store in Manhattan?

Other than, "Where will the homeless work now?" Boring!

Bid on lunch with Richard Gere at Celebrity Buzz Auctions?

Why would anyone want to have lunch with someone who smells of gerbil?

Canadian Natives lumped in with terrorists in new army manual?

Who's been watching too many John Wayne movies?

*France is to hand over to Egypt a lock of hair said to belong to the mummy of Ramses II that was put on sale on the Internet last year.

Wasn't that the guy played by bald actor Yul Brenner in the Ten Commandments? Christ! they're not pubes....are they?

Alanis does "My Hump" parody.

OK, now you have my attention. I'll at least check this out.


Jesus! It's more Jesus controversy

*After the chocolate Jesus fiasco of 01/04/07 attention is once again on an artist using religion for artistic purposes.

The exhibit, titled "Blessing," shows Democratic White House hopeful Barak Obama cloaked in white and red robes with a neon halo, is on display at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.


What's next a Jesus pinata? Or worse a Hillary Clinton one?
You are the 200,000 visitor to Strangedaze and you win a new car

Well, not really, but CTV is blaming Farley Flex, the music producer and Canadian Idol judge, for a mishap at Sunday night's Juno awards in which a Saskatoon couple was falsely told they had won a convertible sports car.

During pre-show festivities at the Credit Union Centre in Saskatoon, Mr. Flex called out two upper-level seat numbers to the audience of more than 13,000 people. He said the people in those seats had won the red Pontiac Solstice that was parked down by the stage.

The couple are currently taking legal action.

For all non Canadians reading this: The Juno's are Canada's version of the Grammy Awards.

For all Canadians reading this: The Juno's are Canada's version of the Grammy Awards.

In fact, this year's ratings were so low "Corner Gas" did better numbers.

For all non Canadians reading this: "Corner Gas" is the only Canadian sitcom now that the "Beachcombers" and "The King of Kensington" are no longer on the air.

For all Canadians reading this: "Corner Gas" is where you get fuel for your vehicle at a buck a litre.

Beam yourself up Scotty

Star Trek actor James Doohan, who played the engineer Scotty in the original TV series, will now have his remains blasted into space in October.
The actor's ashes were supposed to be sent into orbit last year, but the flight was delayed as tests were carried out on the rocket.
Doohan died of Alzheimer's disease and pneumonia in July 2005, aged 85.
His family will hold a service on the day of the rocket's launch for fans to pay tribute to him.

The actor's ashes will be sent into space along with the remains of around 100 other people, including astronaut Gordon Cooper, who first went to space in 1963.
After a short flight, the rocket will return to Earth, with a subsequent launch putting Doohan's remains into orbit in December or January.
They will remain there for several years, after which they will drop back towards Earth.

Anyone wishing to take out insurance for fear they might be hit with Scotty debris should get in line now.

Feeling a little testy

An Air Force veteran has filed a federal claim after an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.

Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells.

But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle. He still hasn’t had the other testicle removed.

But when they finally do, how long before this guy wimps out on something and is accused of having no balls?

I want to drive the Zamboni

For Canadians, the Zamboni is a never-ending source of amusement and amazement. Like the time one ran out of gas during a World Hockey Association game and had to be hauled away like a beached whale. Or the night one crashed through the ice at a WHA game while Celine Dion sang, My Heart Will Go On.

But this story is too much.

According to MSNBC, a world leader in lengthy acronyms, a 64-year-old New Jersey man has been let off the hook for driving a Zamboni while intoxicated. That's right: some guy got loaded then climbed behind the wheel of a multi-ton ice-resurfacing machine and hit the gas pedal.

Fortunately, he stayed inside the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown, N.J., likely because he couldn't find the exit. Still, John Peragallo drove recklessly around the rink and nearly crashed into the boards while hitting a top speed of … whatever it is a Zamboni can muster.

I'll try to find out what those babies will do on the highway and miles to the gallon and get back to you on it.

*Hush little baby

A Swedish couple has run into trouble with authorities for trying to name their baby Metallica.
Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with the country's National Tax Authority about naming their daughter after the rock band.
The six-month-old has been baptised Metallica, but tax officials have dubbed the name "inappropriate".
Under Swedish law, both first names and surnames need to win the approval of authorities before they can be used.
Offensive, unsuitable or inappropriate names, as well as those that could "cause discomfort for the one using it" cannot be used.

Good thing I don’t live in Sweden otherwise my son would have never been named "Pisshead".

*Cross posted on Mitchieville

New release this week

With it being Easter and all, I thought I'd.....Jesus! would you look at the breasts on the side bar!.....sorry, I get distracted easily.

Where was I?

Oh yes.....I thought I'd try to appease the masses by recommending: Li'l Richard and his All-Stars- Happy Easter.

Good Thursday by the numbers

OK you got me. It's really Friday. I didn't post yesterday.

Was the actual date at the top of the page a dead giveaway?

But let us not waste time over who tried to fool who, there are many links to click and much obscure information to digest that won't enhance your life in anyway. So get clicking.

With the hockey playoffs just around the corner, you can probably say goodbye to seeing fisticuffs of any kind while the quest for Lord Stanley's Mug is on. That's why you need the Top10 Hockey Fights of all time. It's not often you get to see a Hockey Hall of Fame goalie throw 'em.

The 5 worst comedies of all time I don't see "Freddie Got Fingered". What's up with that?

If that wasn't bad enough here are the 100 worst reviewed films of all time. Note: Does not include "Are We Done Yet?"

Top 10 films with Tom Hanks taking a piss. I don't think there's anything more I can add to that?

The Top 20 Uber Villians
You hear that? Not just any villians. Uber villians.

The worst movie sex scenes ever. All I can say is, "thank God it doesn't include my sex life. I'd take up 3 of the top 6 spots for sure.

The 10 greatest movie gun fights. I wonder if there's anyway we can combine this with the 10 best hockey fights?

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Banner daze ahead

Sometime ago, I threatened to remove my affiliation with AdSense and go hunting for a new partner. In the past week you may have noticed the half banner in the sidebar, (the full one's at the bottom of the page).

Now this was not my first choice, but I had not heard back on whether I'd been approved at amishfurniturewarehouse.com so I went with Adult Friend Finder instead.

Don't be alarmed, you're not going to suddenly feel the urge to shag the cat from looking at this site, but I strongly suggest you check it out seriously or for a laugh. Hey, who doesn't like sex?

OK put your hand up if you don't like sex. I don't see any hands.

For those of you who may feel inhibitions about this lifestyle I have posted an instructional video for your convenience. Enjoy.

They sure didn't make toys like this when I was a kid #2

...and it's too bad. She would have made the perfect partner for my G.I. Joe after the tragic bonfire incident.

All that and a chocolate Jesus

A planned Holy Week exhibition of a nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ was canceled Friday amid a choir of complaining Catholics that included Cardinal Edward Egan.

The "My Sweet Lord" display was shut down by the hotel that houses the Lab Gallery in midtown Manhattan.

Come on! What's wrong with an anatomically correct chocolate Christ? Think of the fun kids would have trying to find the two Easter eggs.

Keep the tip

If you're gonna smoke that pipe, you should have a convertible. At least that's the message being sent out by South African researchers this week in hopes to combat the further spread of AIDS by trying to convince men to lop off the foreskin.

I agree. Winter's over guys. Lose the turtle-necks. Off with his head!

I can’t get no...

Satisfaction that is, unless you’re a teacher, movie star, president or CEO of a company according to a recent survey that lists those titles as the jobs where individuals find the most satisfaction.

Seems to me Porn Star would be pretty high on the list too.

Appalled bearer

Some funeral homes are now offering webcast viewing and services for those who can’t make the trek to pay their last respects. Lazy bastards!

Can you believe it? Man, people will watch anything...well at least it’s commercial free.

Keeping my cheese dry

Under the same heading of “I have nothing better to do with my life”. While it may not be as exciting as watching paint dry or grass grow, cheese lovers can now go online and watch a 55lb. block of cheddar mature 24 hours a day.

Here's the link for cheddar vision if you're interested.

On a personal note: Don't look Derek!

I just saw it age! Did you see it age? Wow that was fun. Let's watch some more.

Popcorn Dope

For the cigarette companies, it was Joe Camel. Now, methamphetamine manufacturers are accused of borrowing a similar tactic — using cartoon characters and candy flavors to lure teen users.

Chocolate, peanut butter and strawberry? They're not just ice cream flavors, they are the new taste of meth, the latest way dealers and manufacturers are packaging their goods in an ever-changing drug economy.

...I just saw the Cheddar age some more! No wait....it must be the meth?

Ahead by a 1/2 century

Hells Angels turn 50 this weekend.

I'd tell you where the party's going to be, but then I'd have to kill you.


The Ira resolution

OK enough already in this conflict between Iran and Brittan. The Iranians say the Brits were trespassing in Iran’s waters. The English say they were in Iraq. Can’t we just split the difference and say the British were in Ira’s waters. That’s a 3/4 admission of guilt, or victory depending on what side you’re on. I’m sure guys named Ira wouldn’t care with Passover coming up and all.

The Da Vinci inquest

Dan Brown was cleared by U.K. courts of copyright infringement for his blockbuster book The Da Vinci Code, but who will clear Ron Howard for making that awful movie?

For what it's worth I believe Dan Brown did not plagiarize the material. Some people are just jealous when authors come up with creative ideas on their own.

For example, I'm writing a new novel.

It's a tale of intrigue where a famous sculpture of a Chocolate Jesus has been stolen by Iranian radicals led by a Catholic Cardinal and held for ransom.

Losing hope, the government turns to one man, Ira a card carrying member of the Hells Angels turned Porn Star, who in his attempts to retrieve the Jesus, uncovers a much deeper plot to rid the world of all sweets and force everyone to eat cheese. In fact a 55lb cheddar bomb is set to go off....in one year, if demands are not met.

Captured and alone Ira is fed raspberry crystal meth and threatened with the torture of having his foreskin removed, but what his captors don't know......Ira's Jewish.

That's all I've come up with so far but as you can see it's easy to be original.

New release this week

For anyone who has suffered from the tainted pet food, I feel your pain. And I recommend the following: Ken Dodd- Hits For Now and Always.

Some days I have nothing better to do

Tasteless cartoon of the week

Simply glorious

You'll have to admit if you were anywhere near the Big Smoke today, it was splendid weather....once the fog lifted and the drunks rolled back into the alleys that is.

And with the sun smiling down I couldn't help thinking summer was finally within reach, which made me think of chicks in bikinis, which made me think of the world cup of cricket for some strange reason-- a silly game that takes a fort night to play....damn! But back to thoughts of chicks in bikinis.....what you too?

Let us dream together my friend.....perhaps of chicks in bikinis playing cricket? If I may be so bold?

Oh yeah! That's it. Dance you little nymphs.

They sure didn't make toys like this when I was a kid

Do you think your partner would be upset if you pulled the trigger on this baby and shot her in the mouth even after you promised not to?

Gives new meaning to the term "Bat pole" doesn't it?

Why the red face Batman?



Part 1 of 12

New release this week

Man did I ever get my balls busted this week! Not from the little guys, but the big folk. Those behemoth bastards with their, "Why don't you do posts on the freakishly tall?" and calls of "Giant hater!" wouldn't give me a moment's peace.

Cripes! So sensitive. I'm sorry to all the overly-tall, rare-air-breathing, amazons out there. OK? With my apologies I recommend: Big George



Next week, New releases will be moving to Friday.

Im laughing with you...honestly

I hope you've enjoyed this weeks tribute to the little....ah what the fuck....midgets. Midgets, midgets, midgets!

Perhaps you've notice recently, I've been relying on YouTube and shorter posts that better conserve my time? It's because I will be returning to my summer schedule shortly.

In past years this meant blogging once a week until the fall. However, this year I am trying to keep up with the daily Blog to see how it goes. Subsequently, you'll probably see more posts- like the one below -with less fanfare, but high in "what the fuck was that?" content.

Now I know where they got the creepy puppet laugh for Saw.

Thems fighting words! Half-scale

I don't know about you? But I'm checking under my bed tonight.

The top of the bottom

The Wednesday offensive cartoon will return next week.

Look! You can't have them both. It's Little People Week, remember? And today we study the cream of the crop. The top 10 of the bottom half of the vertically challenged if you will.

I don't expect you to watch all the videos. After all I don't want you to lose sleep, or cause you excessive eye damage, but video evidence is there if you need it.

10. Hervé Villechaize

Hervé Villechaize is probably best known as Tattoo on the TV series Fantasy Island, where he rubbed elbows with Ricardo Montalbán and got paid an inordinate amount of money to utter the phrase “De plane! De plane!”

According to his Wikipedia entry, Villechaize “insisted on being called a midget, rather than ‘little person,’” and “proved a difficult actor on Fantasy Island where he continually propositioned women and quarreled with the producers.” Right on, little guy. That just earned you the #10 spot on my list. You sure didn’t get it because of your singing abilities. (See video below.)



9. Nelson de la Rosa

Before he tragically passed away last year, De la Rosa, who was a close personal friend of Pedro Martinez, held the distinction of being the world’s shortest actor. Standing in at just over 21 inches, he was only slightly longer than my buddy Orson's wang, but considerably more pleasing to the ladies. Check out how he drives those Dominican women crazy as he suggestively dances with what your neighborhood apothecary would instantly recognize as a mortar and pestle. Come on everybody! Dance! Dance! Dance!



8. Gary Coleman

At 4'8″?, Gary Coleman just barely meets the requirements (4'10″? and under for males) for being considered a little person. It was a tough call deciding between him and Emmanuel Lewis, but I ultimately went with Coleman because he and I have a lot in common.
We were both kings of our respective domains back in the early 80’s - he was the only star in the “little black kid” sitcom genre, and I was the only child in my household. Then along came a newer, cuter rival - Coleman had to battle Webster for America’s affection, and I had to battle my little brother for my parents’ affection. Later on, we both had some legal troubles, we both ran for governor of California, and I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure we’ve both accidentally killed a hooker. You and I are kindred spirits, Gary.



7.Wee Man

Wee Man is perhaps the greatest midget skateboarder ever, although I’m not quite sure how much competition there is in that category. Here is the video of him dressed as an Oompa Loompa skateboarding down a busy sidewalk. For everyone who saw him that day, it was probably the strangest sight they had ever seen…at least until they saw those pics of Lindsay Lohan’s snatch.



6.Verne Troyer

A lot of people think of Verne Troyer as a one-hit wonder. They think he got lucky landing roles in those two Austin Powers movies and he probably won’t ever approach that kind of success again.
Don’t let those naysayers bring you down, Verne. I’ve seen you on The Surreal Life and I just know that you’ve got a lot of films left in you. You just have to keep your boozing under control. KnowwhatImean, Verne?



5. Tony Cox

The name “Tony Cox” might not immediately ring a bell with you, but I can almost guarantee you know him. His two biggest roles were probably the limo driver in Me, Myself, and Irene and Santa’s elf in Bad Santa. He’s also played the role of an Ewok in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, and its subsequent porn counterpart Star Whores: Return of the Browneye, but I doubt you’ve seen that one.



4. Danny Woodburn

Like Tony Cox, Danny Woodburn’s name might not be familiar to you, but I’m sure you’ve seen him. Remember Kramer’s friend Mickey on Seinfeld? That was Danny Woodburn. He made this list due to his outstanding role on maybe the greatest sitcom ever, not because of the stupid commercial seen below. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t find the Seinfeld clip anywhere on the web, and neither Larry nor Jerry would return my calls. It’s like people make a few hundred million dollars and they stop being your friend. Jerks.



3. Bridget the Midget

My two favorite things in the world are midgets and porn....OK......better make that just porn. Bridget the Midget is the world’s most famous midget stripper/porn star, and she’s also my ideal woman. Think about it - she’d be really cheap to take out to dinner, she could never hog the covers, being next to her would always make you feel huge and manly, (pssst!....well endowed), and most importantly, she couldn’t beat the crap out of you when you try to stand up for yourself and have your buddies over to play poker once a week…heh, not that anything like that has ever happened to me before.



2. The Rice Twins

You ever fall asleep on the couch while watching TV and wake up in the middle of the night? You’re not tired anymore, and the TV is on already so you decide to see if there’s anything worthwhile on the tube at 4 AM.

Some guys are selling samurai swords. CLICK. An episode of The Golden Girls. Dang I forgot how hot Blanche was. Ugh, Estelle Getty. CLICK. Ron Popeil is slicing and dicing something. CLICK. People talking about selling real estate. Hold up. Are those twin midgets dressed in business suits? Yes! I’ve got to see what these little guys are talking about!

Those two guys were John and Greg Rice, two self-made real estate millionaires. They used their status as midget twins to push their Cashflow Generator system and were very successful. John tragically passed away a couple years ago, but Greg is still going strong. Here’s a clip of the two brothers doing a commercial for a pest control business that they had a stake in.



1. Warwick Davis

If you’re making a list of the greatest midgets ever, one man is clearly head and shoulders above the rest, figuratively, that is. He’s had roles in Star Wars movies, Harry Potter movies, had numerous TV appearances, and played the lead in several Leprechaun movies as well as in his crowning achievement, Willow way before there was Lord of the Rings. Back when Ron Howard actually made good movies to inspiring James Horner scores. If you don’t have Willow in your list of top 10 movies ever, then you either haven’t seen it or you’re just a damned fool. Either way, you should stop reading now and rent the movie. It will change your life.

OK class.....

So what did we learn from yesterday's homework?
Midgets make great wrestlers. Midget tossing is a cool game to play and midgets are also news worthy when combined with tragic events.

But, did you also know they're great dancers?

Man, just think of all the midget trim those dudes must get?

One little step for mankind

Today I join the 700 club--- Posts that is.

On such an auspicious occasion you would think I’d devote an entire week to bashing religion and all its zealots. However, if you know me, you know I don’t need a special platform to do that.

So, I will stick to my original plan and present Little People Week--- most of which I am loving ripping off from Matt over at Brohans--- where all the posts will revolve around little people.

First off, I’d just like to apologize to any little people that this post might offend. I know that some little people consider the use of the word “midget” to be equivalent to the use of the “n-word” to describe black people.

I am obviously not a midget (Haha, could you imagine a midget and his stubby little fingers trying to type on a keyboard?), so I can’t really speak about the validity of that comparison, but I know that there’s one important distinction between those two groups of people in my mind at least - black people can hurt me, midgets cannot. (No midgets can hurt me, not even black midgets. To illustrate my point, I’ve included a handy color-coded Venn diagram which I created in just under 3 hours.)



Clearly, the majority of black people can hurt me. However, midgets who are black are part of the small subset of black people who cannot hurt me.

Now that we’ve established that I can use the word “midget” with impunity, let’s get right down to it. You'll need to brush up on your midgetology before we can go any further. The following links are suggested for just such a purpose. The A, B, C's of midgetdom. Check them out and I'll see you tomorrow.

New release this week

I know, I know! All week not one word about St. Patrick's Day. Not a peep about drinking green beer, or eating green pussy. Not even a single mention of the time honored tradition of pissing on Leprechauns and midgets.

I am sorry.

As for the little people, I'll devote an entire week to your cause at some point in the near future. Don't you worry.

I was going to apologize this week for the offensive cartoon, but it's going to take some time to find an album with a dead hooker on the cover. So, to the Irish and the lovers of St. Patrick's Day-- which pretty much includes us all-- this is your lucky day. I recommend the aptly titled following:

Scrotum if you got 'em

If your week hasn't been bad enough, you need to visit the testicle museum of art. Sorry OBJ I didn't see any pictures depicting singles. Perhaps you could lodge a complaint?

And that's all I have to say about that.

The past few days I’ve heard a great deal of bitching and bemoaning over the banning of cockfighting in New Mexico. How Louisiana is now the only state which still permits the sport....blah-diddy-blah-blah-blah.

All I have to say is, "People get your priorities straight! Cockfighting is a stupid sport whether you wear the obligatory helmet, or turtle neck you were designated by parents, or religion at birth".

Contestants are half blind, having only the one eye, and personally, I don’t have the stamina anymore. It seems every time I want to do battle I end up pulling my groin and the threat of injury is constantly prevalent.

So, I for one say, it’s about time they outlawed the sport for good. Let us return to more civilized ways.....duels with pistols at ten paces.