Hump day by the numbers

In honour of the Comicon held here in the Big Smoke I present to you:

The 20 worst costumes.

The 10 most dangerous women.

5 eye-watering ways you can lose your penis, if you have one. But it also ties in with the dangerous women and perhaps Comicon...



That's just wrong!

Definition of irony #3

Monday space out

Definition of irony #2

Blockbusters for 2010

Creepy sex-ed video of the week

Isn't that David Schwimmer in the front row?

Definition of irony #1

Special numbers: 20 x 5

Meanwhile in Japan

Japanese Mange To Pervert Curling Using Oiled Up Women And Dildos

Yes, Japan, we bow to you. You took the one thing Canada was good at, and you turned it into something only you would be good at.

Get humor videos at NothingToxic

Learn to yodel through hypnosis

Pottahawk 2010

Nothing to report as yet, other than there will be one this year.

Blockbusters for 2010

With April just around the corner and May not far behind, the time for blockbuster movies releases will fast be upon us.

From time to time I will post the ones I feel will be best received.

Like this one for instance.

Death metal Armstrong

Creepy sex-ed video of the week

Friday space out

St. Patty's Day space out

St. Pat's Day by the numbers

13 Porta-potty pranks.

10 of the funniest black comics you've never heard of. Hey, they could be Irish.

10 of the worst nut shots in sports. Afterall it is an Irish tradition....isn't it?

Bonus link: Leprechaun T-Shirt.

Sunday space out

Creepy sex-ed video of the week

Book of the weak club

Enough said! Really....enough said.

Hump day space out

Branding gone wrong

Oscar by the numbers

29 Oscar speeches in about 2 minutes. But it really makes for the best acceptance speech I ever heard.

10 under appreciated Johnny Depp roles.

10 of the biggest winners in Oscar history. And by big I mean, when they sit around the Oscar, they really sit around the Oscar.

Bonus link: The Oscar drinking game for you you drunk bastard.

Let's be serious for a moment

So here it is the morning of the Oscar telecast and I still have two movies to go- thank you Academy for making the field of 5 pictures into 10 and cramping my freakin' brain. Now I have to do the last two films together.

The reason I left these ones til last was I hadn't seen them.

Let me just say as far as A Serious Man goes, I love anything the Coen brothers produce: Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski, Fargo, No Country for Old Men, Burn After Reading...I could go on. Yet, I get the feeling, since the bros picked up best film for No Country For Old Men, the Academy considers the debt to their genius paid in full.

Don't look for anything but a recognition they were nominated in this category.


Like the Coen Brothers and his father before him, Jason Reitman is one of the sharper tools in the shed. I enjoyed Thank You For Smoking and Juno, but I feel Hollywood is going to let him twist in the wind for a few more films before he gets his due.

Up In the Air is an enjoyable movie as were the aforementioned, but Best Picture nod? I don't think so. Given what some of the other films accomplished this year, there's just not enough umph to push this one over the top.

Enjoy the Oscars.

District 9 goes to 11

I have to admit, visually, I was more impressed with this film over Avatar, simply for the fact the story took place in the real world not on some fictional far-off planet. Very quickly you forget you are watching CGI genius and buy in to believing the characters and story.

But then again, I'm a big fan of anything Peter Jackson touches- all right The Lovely Bones, not so much, yet, I would still have his children and crawl across a room full of razor blades to drink a pound of his piss.

Unfortunately, outside of a few technical awards for this film's brilliance, I don't see the bigger picture....which is to say that District 9- the bigger picture- will not win for being the bigger picture.

In other words: Christopher Johnson yeah? Best film Oscar- No.

Precious little to say

This is either a really depressing film, or an uplifting one depending on who you talk to. Personally I haven't seen it, but that's what I'm told. Right, or wrong, I have preconceived notions of how I will feel if I watch this film- a range of emotions that span from depressed to bored to angry to bored again and I don't want to watch a film that will do that to me. I want to be entertained.

If this is a film that will do that, then someone tell me. However, keep in mind, this is a dude who has still to watch Schindler's List, or Passion of the Christ.

So for my real reason for posting this: will this movie win Best Picture on Sunday?
Acclaim -yes, Suporting Actress- yes, Oprah in a swishy dress- yes, Best Picture -No.

Crash into me

The Hurt Locker



Remember the year Crash won best picture and surprised everyone. Not since Marisa Tomei took home the best actress nod for My Cousin Vinni had there been such a shock.

Well, get ready for another, because I believe The Hurt Locker has what it takes to get-er-done. That's right Avatar, Precious, Up In The Air, are you listening?

The Hurt Locker, has it all, acting, drama, intensity, story, compelling human element, shot with in-your-face, Gorilla-style camera work. It's this year's Crash, I tells ya. And I feel no one will be able to defuse this explosive device including James Cameron.

Creepy sex-ed video of the week

Branding gone wrong

Cameron just blue himself

Avatar



James Cameron's much hully-ballooed masterpiece is a little disappointing in my opinion....now before you kick in my door, let me finish. This is a movie he's been working on since Titanic. Think about that.

Yes, it is visually stunning and stunningly visual. Yes, it is ground breaking in its presentation.

But all those years, wouldn't you think there might be a more compelling story line, incredible dialogue, plastic covered seats to protect the theatre from all the nerd jizz? This work fell short.

Take out Sigourney Weaver and what you have is a very average film with a lot of visual eye-candy.

Look at an epic like the Lord of the Rings trilogy, completed in less time. Does Avatar compare?

Now, do I think the much hated Cameron has a chance of pulling in best picture? Perhaps, but if the Academy wants to really send the king of the world a strong message they'll give the little gold naked dude to Cameron's ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow for the Hurt Locker.

OMG! THE NERDS! THEY'RE AT MY DOOR!

Up, up and away

Up



Up will win big next Sunday as best movie...in the animation category that is. It's a foregone conclusion because it's nominated for best film of the year and that's one it won't win.

Once again Pixar has put together an entertaining and well crafted animated movie for film goers everywhere, but to be considered as the best film of the year?

I'll tell you exactly why that won't happen. You see, it all comes down to one important puzzle piece that every movie needs to be successful and that essential component is a combination of.....SQUIRREL!

Now, what was I saying?

Oh, right.....Up will win big next Sunday as best movie...in the animated category that is....

Your eggs in one basket #13

The blind leading the Blind Side

The Blind Side



See. This is what happens when you go from 5 nominated films to 10. Sure The Blind Side's an entertaining movie; a good movie with a decent story line, but is it spectacular? No.

This is a film with pretty good acting, a great human element and a happy ending, but is it an Oscar contender in all these facets? No, you can give that to Precious...OK except for the happy ending.

Realistically this movie doesn't make the top 5 in a normal year, but for some reason the Academy wanted to extend the nominees to 10 and make my life harder by having to review it anyway.

The film did, however, succeed in one category. It made me pay absolute attention to Michael Oher when the Ravens played the Colts. So much so, I had no idea the Colts even won that game until they showed up for the Super Bowl. Give Oher the Oscar, forget The Blind Side.