Where's my chapter?

Sorry, for those of you have been anxiously awaiting the next instalment of Hijacking Heaven, there wasn't one this week.

I was away seeing the Saints dismantle the Bills in Buffalo. Besides I haven't written the next chapter yet.

As a peace offering I present to you: Women with body painted sports uniforms.

It's a numbers game

15 of the lamest musician deaths.

The top 20 websites that hate things.

The top 100 internet videos of the 00's.

What pisses me off: part 3

Stupid, simplistic drawings of anything to do with sexual education bug the hell out of me. I mean if you are going to get your point across, use the real deal graphic, or otherwise, not....hey...I think my kid drew this in the 2nd grade.......Way to go Son!

Something new for a Friday.

Over the years I have come to realize that my friends and I have a knack for....well no so much destroying photos we are in, as enhancing them in a hilarious way. My buddy Bob Noxious especially, has a particular talent for getting in the picture. This is known as a photo bomb.

For instance, below is a picture of Noxious and I ruining Kate Winslet's big Oscar acceptance speech at the 2009 Oscars. I seem to recall her being quite upset that I pushed the statuette into her right nipple. Now you get the idea.



I figured since we seem to be so good at doing this, other must be too and I'm going to start posting Photo Bombs on subsequent Fridays in hopes of ending your week on a high note with a giggle or too.

What pisses me off: part 2

That old frickin' dog from next door that my neighbours let run free and who shits in my yard because he's got no god-damn bowel control cause he's so old and....you know what? I think the dog's dead.

Here come the mid-week numbers

I know you've been waiting weeks for this one. 30 ridiculous taser headlines.

20 of the creepiest feminine hygiene products. There's 20! Really?

The 15 most embarrassing cakes that still look yummy.

Another post gone to the dogs

Since we seem to be on a theme today let us continue with.....

Books involving animals that are so terribly wrong yet funny.

Doggy got a bone?

A few weeks ago I posted a link that showed what happens when you type "Hot chicks" and "Dog shit" into the search engine.

Today is like that , but oh so different.

Sunday numbers

25 awesome lost and found signs.

10 crazy conspiracy theories

The 16 funniest fake bands of all time.

Hey! Anyone seen Rammstein's new video?

Go here then.

But I like their thinking. "You've got a pussy, I've got a dick. So what's the problem?"

Check! All right!

Worst Mic Check Guy Ever -- powered by Cracked.com

Hump day by the numbers

10 incredibly nasty Nascar crashes

Should probably grab a beer for that one.

10 people who made it cool to be drunk

Nascar fans?

10 celebrities caught peeing their pants

After being cool drunks no less.

The timless wisdom of...

Danny Devito

Yard sale season coming to an end

But there is still time to pick up some spectacular deals. Just check out what I was able to pick up this morning.

Stress relieving Boobie Ball

Cost: $2.00

Touch it, squeeze it, love it!

I tell ya, I already feel more relaxed.





Some album I didn't want.

Cost: Free

The dude with the Boobie Ball actually begged me to take it...and...well...I really wanted that Boobie Ball.


Vagina Pendants:

The dude wanted $5 a piece, but I managed to get all four for $12.

Well, my Christmas shopping is done.

I said I am your father!

Animals with light sabers That is all.

Honestly, what would you do if I wasn't here?

Dog shit and hot chicks

Every once and a while I like to type words into the search engine that are polar opposite from one another just to see what comes up. Today's search would just happen to be "Dog shit" and "Hot Chicks".

Well crush my left testicle if a site didn't come up that gave me both. I will now share it with you.

Hot chicks and Dog shit.

More timeless wisdom

With Larry David

Yup! On 9/9/09- the day of infinite whatever- this is the best I can do.

Back to school by the numbers

10 pictures of rockers year book snaps. And you thought you looked dorky?

10 things you never say to a woman.

Look, forget your crappy school colours. Here are 10 pro sports team uniforms that bring new meaning to the word vomit.

And on this day...

He rested.

It is after all....Labour Day

Flow-chart of the week

What will happen at your Labour Day barbecue

Hijacking Heaven- Chapter ?

Ok, so no chapter this week. It is after all Labour Day Weekend and I'm taking it off....so-to-speak.

In it's place I present to you....

Signs that won't make you go to church.

The yesterday post that never was

Hitler's back and mad as hell at Disney's recent purchase of Marvel.

The Thursday post that never was

Basically, advice on how to survive anything.

The Wednesday post that never was

Or the timeless words of wisdom from Trailer Park Boys, Bubbles.

The Tuesday post that never was

It's actually a numbers game.....

The 10 greatest post-kill puns.

The 10 strangest ice cream flavors.

The 10 strangest Jeopardy moments.

I guess now you can see why I missed Tuesday's post......

Strange and the real girl

So, I found this site called Real Doll, which , if you've seen that movie "Lars and the real girl", you'd understand.

Apparently their goal is to recreate a companion that is more human than human....



I thought that was the motto of Tyrel Corporation in Blade Runner, or a White Zombie song?....oh whatever.

Anyhoo, they're quite expensive, JESUS! $6,500!, not to mention a little creepy and you can design everything from body type, eye/ hair color to whether you want pubic hair on the cha-cha, or just clean shaven.
And hold on ladies cause they have a few models just for you as well. You can even order the hoo-hoo dilly in extra large if you'd like.

Personally I think the dudes look like those ventriloquist dummies from the horror film where they come to life and kill you as you sleep, but that's just me.

All the while with each alteration *cha-ching* the price goes up.

Yup they sure have come along way from the days of blowing up your own. You know, the ones with the ones with left over Easter grass for hair, permanently outstretched arms and three- count 'em!- three tunnels of love!




So if I had to choose my type from the many faces listed, I'd probably go with.....hmmm....I can't decide, but that's OK, because you can order the whole catalogue of faces an interchange them

I'm still trying to figure out how to pry the mouth open. Damn I hate teeth. Wonder if you can get one without?