Super Bowl by the numbers

The 12 most inspirational pep-talks

The 6 most pathetic attempts to get Super Bowl tickets

The 30 most ridiculous things you can actually wager on this Sunday

Bonus link: Super Bowl drinking game

Got it, got it, need it, got it

Even more fat dude trading cards

That pretty much sums it up

How much I hate this weather.

More fat dude trading cards

For OBJ

I'm a little pissed at the fact there will not be a wing eating contest this year at the Wing Shack during the Super Bowl.

I guess they couldn't find a ringer to take down our man One Ball Joe?

However, in his honor and in recognition for his past machine-like eating accomplishments I present to the first of a series: Fat dude trading cards.

Black humour for a blue Monday,

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Do you know how I know you're gay?

You go to this site to ask questions to see if you are.

Seems like I've been posting a lot of links lately.....man, I'm getting lazy.

Now, back to the regularly scheduled sexual content

Today's semen swallowing tips. You're welcome.

There's a past girlfriend, or two, who would benefit from this.

If you hate the taste of cum, tell your boyfriend/husband to eat pineapples for about 2 days before, and it will taste sweeter. - Anonymous, Virginia

Some women don’t like to swallow semen because of the sharp sensation it leaves in their throat. And there is nothing much to do about that. What I found to be the next best thing (possibly even better) is that she slowly lets it ooze out of her mouth while sucking (best done while sitting up). - Rob, Europe

At first I was afraid to swallow. But then my best friend said the best thing to do is suck on Tic Tacs before sucking on a cock. And she was right. - Melissa, U. S.

I would recommend putting something sweet in your mouth before you swallow and get tongue ring. Gives your guy a better experience. - Ann, Iowa

The most obvious thing to do is use a condom. It may not be as pleasurable to your partner than it would be without it, but hey, it is better than nothing, right? I mean, you should not have to suffer. There are also flavored condoms for your pleasure. - Neva, New York

I've always swallowed. Now, I love seeing the look on my husband's face as our eyes are locked on the other's and he shoots his streams of cum into my mouth. It's just magical. However the taste is something that I've never really gotten used to. Over the years I've learned to deep throat him completely even though he's about 8 inches and average thickness. I've learned from asking him that it's almost more enjoyable for him to cum while he's in my throat than it is when he's shooting it all over my tongue and the back of my mouth. The big advantage it gives me when I deep throat him and he comes is that I never taste it. When I sense he's starting to have his orgasm I just take a deep breath and push his cock down my throat as far as I can and begin swallowing. That method hasn't failed to make him have an immediate orgasm. He says my swallowing almost feels like I'm finishing him off with a hand job around the head of his cock. - Anonymous, U. S.

WTF is this like Penthouse Forum?

I just swallow and think of ice cream! - Jisses, Sweden

Open and dump one packet of Equal into your mouth before receiving sperm into mouth. Viva la jizz! - Anonymous, Florida

Viva la Jizz? Now there's a good name for a rock band.

It is erotic when you swallow cum. At first, it's yucky, but keep in mind that you accept the guy in your life - you accept everything in him. If you can't swallow the whole cum at one time, just press the penis a little bit to control the flow of cum and swallow little by little. Another technique is to deep throat when a guy is near climax and let the cum get down into the throat by itself. You will never taste anything bad. Before you know it, all the cum is inside you. - June, L. A.
As an earlier poster mentioned, diet has a profound effect on the qualities of the cum. But while fish may make the taste even worse, some foods can improve the taste somewhat. Citrus, especially, is good for this. Drinking a lot of juice (pineapple seems to work best) should affect the taste enough to make it bearable. - Anonymous, California

Strangedaze: Miss a day, miss.......

...absolutely nothing at all apparently, since I have been remiss to post anything in the last 48 hours- give-or-take.

Personally, I blame the colon cleansing.

The Inauguration Day 2009 Drinking Game

While you're enjoying Obamapalooza, why not take a drink every time someone says:

“Historic”
“Monumental”
“Kennedy”
“Lincoln”
“Change” (as a noun)
“Most anticipated inauguration in history”
The name of a celebrity who thinks their opinion matters.

Drink Every Time:

Joe Biden’s hairplugs are awkwardly noticeable.
You see Oprah crying.
W glances at his watch.
You see a mediocre looking chick with political aspirations in the crowd.
Chris Matthews appears to get a boner.
You see Obama’s face on a t-shirt.
A white guy pretends to know the words to a Black Eyed Peas song.
Keith Olbermann comes off as a smug, pretentious asshole.
Someone in the crowd passes out.
You see a bearded hippie.
Jesse Jackson takes credit for Obama’s campaign.
A Fox News correspondent speaks in hushed tones with an air of faux patriotism.

And you thought you were lucky

Just check out this link for some of the luckiest S.O.B.s you'll ever see.

Something wicked this way....and you know the rest

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel that there is some sort of crisis brewing for next week?

Let's see we have volatile markets, an economy in the crapper, giant corporations going bankrupt, a weak currency and a JFK-like president being inaugurated who just happens to be the first black president ever.

I mean holy fuck! Where is Jack Bauer? If this doesn't sound like the perfect storm for something big followed by marshal law and an impending one world currency I don't know what is.

Honestly does anyone think George W. is really going to go quietly into that dark night?

Perhaps this paranoia is all nothing and just the product of some disturbing dreams of late, but I can't shake the feeling of dread.

As I stated last week, maybe we should wait for full daylight and look at the one-legged hooker first, before we decide to bite our arm off.

I'm going to get a lot of mileage out of that.

Sorry to be so serious this cold Saturday morning, but....well.....good morning! Now wake up!

Famous dudes I almost know (part 2)

Wayne Gretzky


Wayne and I go waaaaaay back. We're both from Brantford: home of Alexander Graham Bell and the Market Square Chip Wagon. We both attended North Park Collegiate- although Wayne soon departed for the Soo Greyhounds to play hockey. I knew his sister Sue and one brother Brent.

We actually played against one another. I checked him several times, when the play had stopped and I could catch him.

I'm sure Wayne and I would've cultivated a long lasting friendship that would have had me be best man at the wedding, fly out to L.A. to hang by the pool, even check out some shows on Broadway when he played for the Rangers, but when you score 16 goals on my goaltender in the first period alone, that's where I draw the line.

Have a nice life puckhog.

Condom-inium

Bob Noxious just sent me this gem. Check it out.

Celebrities by the numbers

With the announcement of Benifer's new baby name, Seraphina, not to mention the Golden Globes and the impending Oscar nods coming next week, celebs sure seem to be front and centre.

So why not celeb by the numbers for today?

Let's start with 120 mugshots of your fave star.

20 Celebrities if they were midgets.....or little people perhaps the politically correct term.....OK damn it! Vertically challenged! Happy now?

The 10 worst types of drunks. It could be about celebrities. See mugshots.

I almost forgot

A few weeks ago a milestone passed without much fanefare....hell, I even forgot about it. But I started my fifth year of blogging here at Strangedaze on January 2nd.

Wow! Five years! The things I could have done with that time instead of posting inane links and mumbo-jumbo.

I could have gotten a tattoo, spent some time in prison, experienced my first anal, gang-rape in the shower, killed a small animal with a stick, spent thousands on higher education that would find me working at the LCBO.

I could have set up a world record domino display, made peace with my inner demons, your inner demons, you friends and families inner demons.

I could have had my blood flushed out in Switzerland, attempted to climb Everest before I died halfway up due to my idiodic sherpa..... I could have gone to Mexico for a vacation.....actually scratch that....I'm going next month.

I could have watched more porn and beat my dick like it owed me money.

Man I sure gave up a lot.

But I'm the type of guy who waits for full sunlight to see the one-legged hooker before deciding to bite my arm off.

Not sure I really know what that means, but it sounds cool.

Happy blog birthday to me....

The weekend numbers

If you're finding your self stray from those New Year resolutions to loose weight perhaps you need to reacquaint yourself with motivation.

Top 10 funniest workout videos.

Plus the 10 hottest moments in Japanese game show history. You really have nothing better to do, do you?

The top 100 best Nazi/ Zombie movie fights of all time....well actually there's only the one, but it's worth watching.

I'm here for you

So, it's ho-hum January. The holidays are over. The frivolity is at an end. Nothing to do but bunker down and hold out til spring, like a gunman holding hostages.

You may even feel a sickness coming on, or imagine you do.

I'm here to help you. Give you a much needed "me day", or as many "me days", as you need.

"But my work?" you say......"They'll never buy it."

Tut,tut,tut......

Go here and lean the fine art of calling in sick when you aren't.

You're welcome.

Famous dudes I almost know (part 1)

Geddy Lee


Me and Geddy go way back. In fact, the early nineties I'd have to say was when I almost knew the bassist/vocalist for Rush.

The band was busy releasing a string of memorable albums like "Presto", and others I can't remember, but we both put our time in at Chalet Studios in Clairemont, sweating in the same sauna, shitting in the same en-suite, drinking from the same "Salesman" cup. I was going to say sleeping in the same bed, but Neil had that room.

We viewed the same pristine valley disappearing into the treeline while we laid down our separate vocal tracks; enjoyed the warm sunshine by the pool during guitar overdubs, and pestered the same audio engineers.

Yup me and Geddy were almost real buddy-buddy if our sessions hadn't been six months apart.

The sky is angry my friends

As Old Man Winter opens up on us again and the shovels are poised for another dig-out there's only one thing to do.

Buy yourself a penis stretcher.

And I don't want to hear any complaints about how you're a woman and have a vagina.

PENIS STRETCHER I SAY!

A new year by the numbers.

10 items you think make you look cool, but don't.

50 vanity plates that slipped by the DMV.

The top 50 movie gun fights.

78 stupid people who tattooed celebrities on their bodies.

Symbols and a bumroll

If you are ever thinkng you're going to end up penniless and on the streets one day, or perhaps you work in an area where homeless and beggers abound then this link should be of great assistance to you.

By going to it and studing the symbols there you'll know if the dumpsters are worthy of exploring, or the prostitutes are really dudes, or to watch out for the Soylent Green bulldozers.



See....you'd already know that you're in an agitated homeless area.

Position yourself accordingly

Here it is: Every Sexual Position Known to Man/Woman

From A to Z

From Acrobat to Wheelbarrow, you'll find it here with all the numbered positions as well.

whether your a fan of the simplistic Basset Hound and Deep Impact, or you adore the more complex like the Ballerina and the Viennese Oyster, the link's for you

One for OBJ

My good buddy OBJ has made the natural excretion of human waste an art form over the years, but even he must have a question or two about the process.

If you've ever wondered about defecating and why it looks, smells and tastes like it does.....OK, scratch taste....then this next link is definitely for you.

Everything you wanted to know about poop but were afraid to ask.

Now the next time you walk into your house holding a big-ol-pile of dog shit in your hand saying, "Hey! look what I almost stepped in!", you can now impart some interesting tidbits about your fecal matter.

Likewise if your wife ever walks in while you're watching, Two Girls, One Cup, you can claim it's educational material.

Strangedaze 101-4-09

What you can expect from these pages in the coming year?

Specifically, no idea.

On a broader spectrum, more of the same.

More sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. With yesterday's two posts, I'm already on pace to beat last year's personal blogging best.

After all, why mess with a winning formula that has made me one of the least read blogs on the net. Once they realize the importance of an award for lowest readership, I'm a shoe-in.

I suppose, I'll keep variations of what has graced, or marred these pages previously, but I'd like to work in a few new features like "Famous Dudes I almost know," and a return of, "Book of the Weak Club," and yes I spelled weak correctly.

In all, I will try to make coming here an enjoyable distraction.

Thanks for coming.

Blog Resolutions

Every year at this time I do a mission statement for the year. It helps to guide my thought process and subconsciously keeps me on target to listed goals.

I thought I would try one for the Blog this year.

So here goes:

I will try to Blog everyday. (The optimum word here, being Try).

I will definitely NOT, try to break my personal best for Blogging next year.

I will stop masturbating while I post.

I will keep my pilfering of material to a minimum as it pertains to resolution #1

I will start using more than two fingers while typing.

I will decrease my posting of offensive and crude....oh to hell with this!

New Year happiness

All the best in 09 people.