I’m unimpressed that there is talk of putting a giant reflective umbrella in space to help shield us from the now deadly sun and fight global warming. I mean what about the people with S.A.D. do they not care?
I’m unimpressed they found a new Earth-like planet we can’t get to, called 581C. Who cares? I saw Aliens. I already know there are eggs with face-huggers just waiting there for us to find in some derelict space craft.
I’m slightly interested, but still unimpressed that criminals are doing their laundry by buying ATM's, filling it with dirty money and getting yours in return every time you complete a transaction.
I’m unimpressed that fat guys take more sick days and injure themselves more on the job than there svelte counterparts....mainly because I am one of those fat guys.
I'm not sure I care that cancer is poised to surpass heart disease as the number 1 killer....I mean either way....you're dead, right? I’m even unimpressed that Stephen Hawking is weightless at 30 second intervals and in his monosyllabic, computer voice is repeatedly saying, “wooppeeeeee”, or "A sphincter says 'what'".
I’m unimpressed because I've just learned that BBQ, boiled, or deep fried food is killing me slowly with emissions called A.G.E.....yeah that's right....no link.....cause they don't want you to know......muthafuckas! I suppose next they'll tell you sex causes cancer? Not that I have to worry about it much.
But what to pay tribute to? Scotty beams up tomorrow along with the ashes of astronaut Gordo Cooper and a 100 others, yet Boris Yeltsin died this week. You can see my dilemma.....Perhaps there's a way I can pay homage to both....hmmmm. I recommend: Ferrante and Teicher- Blast Off!
What a shitty month this was. Now it's time for some kick ass links to the numbers.
The top 10 kick ass mainstream lesbian scenes. OK I'll admit not exactly the link to start off with when you want to kick ass, but it does gets better. This link is for GIGC.....enjoy, baby.
The top 10 embarrassing ways to diein real life, except these are fictitious, but if they weren't, boy would they be embarrassing except they're not......Am I getting cyclical?
I guess it's "I don't like Monday's" again? OK....FINE! Let's just get it over with off the top. But....I'm not mentioning names, posting pictures, or making references to 8 year anniversaries of similar events. However, I will say, "Way to go Virginia!" *clap,clap* "Way to sell tourism.....for psycos and degenerates!"
Come to Virginia. We have the most lax gun laws in the U.S. Take home a souvenir fire arm. All you need is I.D. and a credit card.
Brilliant.....bloody brilliant.
While we're at it. "Way to go NBC! Thanks for sensationalizing everything. Wow! And only one week after firing Don Imus for inappropriate comments.
Yup! No hypocrisy there.
Beating around the Bush
This week President Bush said, "It's hard to make sense out of such tragedy and human suffering."
Finally! He's admitting Iraq was a mistake. Good for you George W.
No Bones about it
Meanwhile in T.V. land, crime drama Bones which stars David Boreanaz.....
Wasn't he that vampire guy Angel from Buffy?
....had an episode pulled this week because the subject matter was too close to the bone- if you'll excuse the pun- to recent events.
Can't say it affected me much....I don't watch Bones...or Buffy and Angel when they were on for that matter...too girlie for my liking. Now let's get back to discussing subjects like: Why are they making a theatrical musical for Dirty Dancing?
Middleton of the road
Prince William and Kate Middleton ended their relationship this week. The royal relationship is by far the most talked about break-up in recent memory. Almost every publication in the UK had an opinion as to why they ended their long-term union. In fact, several publications claim to know the so-called "real story" behind the break-up. Some claim it was Prince William's time in the military, some say it was his philandering ways, and another popular rumor claims it has to do with Kate Middleton's commoner status in the socially-stratified nation.
The real reason? To keep every boy's hope alive of one day becoming Queen of England.
Fruit or vegetable?
The debate rages on: Is the watermelon a fruit or a vegetable? Some say because it's a member of the cuck family, thus it should be considered a vegetable. But it's so sweet and tasty, others say fruit.
Imagine the poor people of Alabama who have Watermelon as the official state fruit. Losers! Should have followed Virgina's lead and made guns your state fruit.
Tooth? You can't handle the tooth!
It may stand upright in a glass or lie on a counter, barely noticed until we need it. But that ubiquitous bathroom standby -- the lowly toothbrush -- is likely giving houseroom to some pretty nasty inhabitants.
We're taking germs here, folks. Microscopic bacteria, viruses and fungi -- and you're putting them daily into your mouth. This warning brought to you by toothbrush manufacturers.
It is said you should change your toothbrush every time you get sick, after illness, before long bus trips, when visiting the zoo, during pregnancy, before and after sex and when logging on to Strangedaze, (or in other words once every six months or so).
I should also add, you should change your toothbrush every time you get a picture in the mail of some guy with your toothbrush stuffed up his ass. It happens more that you would suspect. Believe me.
I guess next they'll be saying we pay too much in taxes?
We pay too much in taxes. 45% of your income goes to paying the government in some form or another in tax. In fact, the average family pays more in tax than housing, food and clothing combined.
In my household I think what I spend on porn would meet the percentage.
A.B. on A.I.
With the help of the greatest actor on the planet, Alec Baldwin, I'd like to comment on American Idol's Sanjaya.
Strange: Finally! Sanjaya Malakar got voted off American Idol. The guy sang like my ass chews gum.
Baldwin: What is he, 12 years old, or 11 years old? He didn't have the brains or the decency of a human being. He's insulted me for the last time.
Strange: Well said Alec, yet he may not be the next American Idol, but Sanjaya has been invited to be a guest at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. A guest list including the likes of Jane Fonda, Teri Hatcher, John Cusack, Sheryl Crow, Dennis Hopper and Morgan Fairchild. Among the politicos expected are Condi Rice, Robert Kennedy Jr. and Henry Kissinger. Are you upset with the White House for not being included? What would you say given the chance.
Baldwin: I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your ass out when I see you. I'm going to let you know just how disappointed in you I am and how angry I am with you that you've done this to me again. You've made me feel like shit and you've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. You have humiliated me for the last time. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?
If I'm not mistaken, The Little Danish Girl has a birthday coming up. So, happy B-day to you. I know how fond you are of kitchen appliances and I'm sure the Mayor's going to get you the new oven you wanted.....of course it is a Dutch oven, but remember, it's the thought that counts.
Blades of Glory is no longer #1 at the box office. It fell to Disturbia last weekend. So now it's time to put Will Ferrell back where he belongs.....on top. Go to the Will Ferrell movie generator and come up with a new idea for a Will Ferrell film; pitch it to a major studio; see the expected first week box office gross. You can even give Will his big catch phrase...well.....what are you waiting for?
So winter is sucker punching your spring on the east coast. It's another Monday and a work week ahead. If you didn't have to contend with the word "Ho" so much from Don Imus last week, now Don Ho is dead and the horror begins anew. You'll never be able to hear "Tiny Bubbles" again without weeping uncontrollably.
In fact, you're in such a bad mood you'd probably kick the hell out of a dead hooker. In all you're probably wondering how this day can get any worse?
I have three words for you my friend: Pubic mound pulling. Go here and see what I mean. Your day just got worse.....Yeoooch!
B- is for Blubbering: It’s almost been a week, yet I’m still hearing the whining from Leaf fans on how they were screwed by the New Jersey Devils who elected to not play star goaltender Martin Brodeur.
B- is for Brodeur: Instead the devils played their backup in the last game of the season against the New York Islanders who happened to need a win to climb past the Leafs into the final playoff spot.
B- is for B-game: However, had the Leafs brought their A- game to the Island the previous Thursday, they wouldn’t have had to watch last Sunday’s contest amid chewed finger nails. It wouldn’t have been an issue.
B- is for Buffalo: Neither would it have been when a few weeks earlier, the boys in blue, blew by blowing a 4-1 third period lead in the unholiest of holes- Buffalo.
B- is for Bower: In fact the only way Toronto is going to get a Stanley Cup ring in the foreseeable future is to find Johnny Bower’s when he loses it again in a Tim Horton’s near you.
B- is for Boo-hoo-hoo: So cry on Leaf nation and dare to dream of next year. Remember you’ll have to do it from the golf course. Oh yeah. B- is for Ball-washer.
Liver and onions with kidney pie Bueller? Anyone?
The Ontario government is considering following B.C. by paying $5,000 to people who are willing to be living donors and handing over their livers and kidneys. Nay sayers predict the implementation of such a plan will target the poor.
I tend to agree. I mean five grand?- There’s a couple of cartons of cigarettes, a case of beer, half a tank of gas, and a week’s worth of lottery tickets.
Although it's a good thing the government don't want hearts. We'd have to take the the Toronto Maple Leafs off the list.......*snap*
Bold move from down-under
After the tragic death of six Canadian soldiers this week in Afghanistan, Australia showed its support by vowing to double it’s forces to help against the Taliban.
The guy left Sydney on Thursday and should arrive in Afghanistan today.
Budget Air
RyanAir touted as the Walmart of Europe is coming here...eventually. With international destinations for as low as $14 bucks a ticket.
Of course you'll probably have to stand and it will be next to sweaty fat guys and crates of chickens, but none the less--- $14.00! Wow! I bet my son would still rather have the pack of cigarettes?
Babies for sale?
A guy has been approaching nannies at a park in Encino and asking if they would be willing to sell the babies they are looking after. So far no one has complied.
I'm sure police fear it’s only a matter of time before he tries to steal a child, or God forbid, tries to eat one. I've seen his picture and he looks like a man who would dress up as a dingo.
Butch Bomber
A female suicide bomber left 20 people dead in Iraq after detonating a bomb on Tuesday. Now she's off to see Allah and those 72 virgins.
Does that mean she was a lesbian? How long before the porn industry manipulates this into a feature? “Lauren of the Labia”.
Blight of the Imus
Don Imus was let go by CBS this week for his inappropriate comments.
Haven’t we heard enough about that nappy-headed ho?
Black Rappers 1 Imus 0- no overtime needed.
Blowing less smoke
New research shows people who are trying to quit smoking should eat more cheese and broccoli as it helps to make the taste of cigarettes less desirable.
I don’t care what they say, you won’t get my kid on that flight to Europe. Personally, you want to quit smoking? Eat dog shit until you do. I can guarantee you’ll quit after a few days. Then you can spend your money on better things....like mouthwash.
Friday the 13th. You should have stayed in bed, or road your hog to Port Dover. How can it get any worse? Oh yeah! I recommend: Crying Demons.....It just got worse.
My buddy Bob Noxious sent me this, he thought it was hilarious. So I watched it and I thought it was hilarious. Now it's your turn to watch 500 Impressions (in 2 Minutes)
With Easter and Passover once again fighting for supremacy I thought I should structure this week's post around the two holidays. I sifted through all the events, including the one's I didn't post last week, and found most of the material- while plentiful- lacking in biblical reference. Therefore you may read on and the Easter related material will be marked with an asterisk.
But what to post?
Man arrested for drunk driving blames wife for use of vibrator in the passenger seat?
I only want to know about it if the device takes D batteries.
Walmart abandons bid to set up store in Manhattan?
Other than, "Where will the homeless work now?" Boring!
Bid on lunch with Richard Gere at Celebrity Buzz Auctions?
Why would anyone want to have lunch with someone who smells of gerbil?
Canadian Natives lumped in with terrorists in new army manual?
Who's been watching too many John Wayne movies?
*France is to hand over to Egypt a lock of hair said to belong to the mummy of Ramses II that was put on sale on the Internet last year.
Wasn't that the guy played by bald actor Yul Brenner in the Ten Commandments? Christ! they're not pubes....are they?
Alanis does "My Hump" parody.
OK, now you have my attention. I'll at least check this out.
Jesus! It's more Jesus controversy
*After the chocolate Jesus fiasco of 01/04/07 attention is once again on an artist using religion for artistic purposes. The exhibit, titled "Blessing," shows Democratic White House hopeful Barak Obama cloaked in white and red robes with a neon halo, is on display at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.
What's next a Jesus pinata? Or worse a Hillary Clinton one? You are the 200,000 visitor to Strangedaze and you win a new car
Well, not really, but CTV is blaming Farley Flex, the music producer and Canadian Idol judge, for a mishap at Sunday night's Juno awards in which a Saskatoon couple was falsely told they had won a convertible sports car.
During pre-show festivities at the Credit Union Centre in Saskatoon, Mr. Flex called out two upper-level seat numbers to the audience of more than 13,000 people. He said the people in those seats had won the red Pontiac Solstice that was parked down by the stage.
The couple are currently taking legal action.
For all non Canadians reading this: The Juno's are Canada's version of the Grammy Awards.
For all Canadians reading this: The Juno's are Canada's version of the Grammy Awards.
In fact, this year's ratings were so low "Corner Gas" did better numbers.
For all non Canadians reading this: "Corner Gas" is the only Canadian sitcom now that the "Beachcombers" and "The King of Kensington" are no longer on the air.
For all Canadians reading this: "Corner Gas" is where you get fuel for your vehicle at a buck a litre.
Beam yourself up Scotty
Star Trek actor James Doohan, who played the engineer Scotty in the original TV series, will now have his remains blasted into space in October. The actor's ashes were supposed to be sent into orbit last year, but the flight was delayed as tests were carried out on the rocket. Doohan died of Alzheimer's disease and pneumonia in July 2005, aged 85. His family will hold a service on the day of the rocket's launch for fans to pay tribute to him. The actor's ashes will be sent into space along with the remains of around 100 other people, including astronaut Gordon Cooper, who first went to space in 1963. After a short flight, the rocket will return to Earth, with a subsequent launch putting Doohan's remains into orbit in December or January. They will remain there for several years, after which they will drop back towards Earth.
Anyone wishing to take out insurance for fear they might be hit with Scotty debris should get in line now.
Feeling a little testy
An Air Force veteran has filed a federal claim after an operation at a Veterans Administration hospital in which a healthy testicle was removed instead of a potentially cancerous one.
Benjamin Houghton, 47, was to have had his left testicle removed June 14 at the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center because there was a chance it could harbor cancer cells.
But doctors mistakenly removed the right testicle. He still hasn’t had the other testicle removed.
But when they finally do, how long before this guy wimps out on something and is accused of having no balls?
I want to drive the Zamboni
For Canadians, the Zamboni is a never-ending source of amusement and amazement. Like the time one ran out of gas during a World Hockey Association game and had to be hauled away like a beached whale. Or the night one crashed through the ice at a WHA game while Celine Dion sang, My Heart Will Go On.
But this story is too much.
According to MSNBC, a world leader in lengthy acronyms, a 64-year-old New Jersey man has been let off the hook for driving a Zamboni while intoxicated. That's right: some guy got loaded then climbed behind the wheel of a multi-ton ice-resurfacing machine and hit the gas pedal.
Fortunately, he stayed inside the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown, N.J., likely because he couldn't find the exit. Still, John Peragallo drove recklessly around the rink and nearly crashed into the boards while hitting a top speed of … whatever it is a Zamboni can muster.
I'll try to find out what those babies will do on the highway and miles to the gallon and get back to you on it.
*Hush little baby
A Swedish couple has run into trouble with authorities for trying to name their baby Metallica. Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with the country's National Tax Authority about naming their daughter after the rock band. The six-month-old has been baptised Metallica, but tax officials have dubbed the name "inappropriate". Under Swedish law, both first names and surnames need to win the approval of authorities before they can be used. Offensive, unsuitable or inappropriate names, as well as those that could "cause discomfort for the one using it" cannot be used.
Good thing I don’t live in Sweden otherwise my son would have never been named "Pisshead".
OK you got me. It's really Friday. I didn't post yesterday.
Was the actual date at the top of the page a dead giveaway?
But let us not waste time over who tried to fool who, there are many links to click and much obscure information to digest that won't enhance your life in anyway. So get clicking.
With the hockey playoffs just around the corner, you can probably say goodbye to seeing fisticuffs of any kind while the quest for Lord Stanley's Mug is on. That's why you need the Top10 Hockey Fights of all time. It's not often you get to see a Hockey Hall of Fame goalie throw 'em.
Sometime ago, I threatened to remove my affiliation with AdSense and go hunting for a new partner. In the past week you may have noticed the half banner in the sidebar, (the full one's at the bottom of the page).
Now this was not my first choice, but I had not heard back on whether I'd been approved at amishfurniturewarehouse.com so I went with Adult Friend Finder instead.
Don't be alarmed, you're not going to suddenly feel the urge to shag the cat from looking at this site, but I strongly suggest you check it out seriously or for a laugh. Hey, who doesn't like sex?
OK put your hand up if you don't like sex. I don't see any hands.
For those of you who may feel inhibitions about this lifestyle I have posted an instructional video for your convenience. Enjoy.
