Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Pottahawk T-shirts

Don't kick the baby

It's Wednesday and that can only mean one thing. Time for some good old fashion Indian baby tossing.

Questions:

Who started this?
Did they begin at a lower height and increase in ten foot increments until they missed the sheet?
How long before this becomes an Olympic sport?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Don't fortget to lick the plate

Forget the seven wonders of the world. Forget Disney world, the Eiffel Tower or the pharaohs tombs. The centre of mankind is the Golden Pussy. The provider of energy, youth, vitality and inspiration. The Golden Pussy is the shrine of worship for all human beings. A new religion yet the oldest religion. A new desire yet the oldest desire. The Golden Pussy.

And now you can have your very own vagina china, which I guess, means you can lick the plate sideways if you wish, but guaranteed, you'll lick it ever time.

They come in an an array of designs from, "The world is her oyster" to the, "Rape of Tibet" ....just make sure you're having a saucy Italian dish that night.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The fabulous T`s of Pottahawk

I promised I would show you the great T-shirts that were seen at Pottahawk over the past few years and at Strangedaze I aim to deliver. Here is the first in the series leading up to the blessed event that is Pottahawk.

Blade gets tax trinity

Wesley Snipes was sentenced to 3 years in prison Thursday for failing to file tax returns, and a victory for prosecutors who sought to make an example of the action star.

U.S. District Judge William Terrell Hodges said Snipes exhibited a "history of contempt over a period of time" for U.S. tax laws, and granted prosecutors the sentence they requested — one year for each of Snipes' convictions of willfully failing to file a tax return from 1999-2001.

Three years on the inside...ouch! Does that mean he'll be known as the Gay Blade when he comes out?

Get off yer arse!

A new survey has revealed that British people spend more than 36 years of their life on their bums.

Are you listening Wesley.....You only have to spend the next three years on yours.

The poll conducted on over 2000 adults by a British Skin Foundation Sanex has shown that Britons spend most of their time sitting down.

According to Mirror, Brits spend 22 hours and 54 minutes every week sitting in front of the television.

They spend 21 hours and 48 minutes sitting in front of their computer and two hours and 35 minutes every week on the toilet.

I know a few people who would wreck the stats on toilet duration.


These shoes were made for grow├Čn`

If you ever cursed your kid for growing out of his, or her shoes too quickly never fear.

Built right into INCHworm shoes is the iFit technology. The iFit technology allows you to GROW the size of the shoe with a simple push of the button. So eliminate unnecessary trips to the shoe store and provide your children with better fitting shoes that last up to three sizes longer.

Of course, it costs three times as much.

Inchworm shoes grow in half size increments. Just push the button on the side, and pull the toe of the shoe to adjust into the next size.

You know I have to ask it. What about condoms.......


Ei Caramba (part 1)

The Simpsons has been banned in Venezuela by President Hugo Chavez, because the animated TV show is "unsuitable for children."

Have you seen it lately? It's unsuitable for everyone. Jump the shark already!

The long-running cartoon has been replaced after Chavez deemed it contained "messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents."

Elba Guillen, a spokesperson for Televen TV, the Venezuelan network that airs The Simpsons, says, "It had to be taken off. The government considers it to be a series that isn't appropriate for that time because it isn't appropriate for children."

I agree. Children of Venezuela need to be out in the streets amid the protests and the violence. Bravo Chavez....Bravo!


Ei Caramba (part 2)

Rescuers reached a cluster of brightly colored helium party balloons floating in the ocean off Brazil's coast Tuesday but did not find the Roman Catholic priest who had been using them in a bid to set a flight record.

Man you just can't write shit like this.

Rev. Adelir Antonio di Carli remained missing after lifting off from the port city of Paranagua on Sunday strapped to hundreds of helium-filled balloons in a bid to break a record for the longest time in-flight using party balloons. He was wearing a helmet, aluminum thermal flight suit, water proof coveralls and parachute.

He planned to use the money raised in his attempt to break the 19-hour record to fund a "spiritual" rest-stop for truckers in Paranagua, home to Brazil's largest grain port.

I guess the practical question at this point is: Should I cancel the helium balloon priest I have booked for my nephew's birthday party next week?

Up, up and away, in my beautiful, my beautiful balloo....ahhhhhhhh!

cross-posted on Mitchieville

Dad's desert island collection #15

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Doll parts



Barbie C.S.I.



If small animals suddenly disappear from around your neighborhood, this guy probably lives next to you.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

It is hump day.......

What did we ever do before the internet? How would we ever know about dildos from the animal kingdom?

I'm sure you could use some of them for other things too.....like blunt force trauma.




You know what? I think I'll go back to the masturbation post.

The top 5 you say?

Usually I'd wait and post this link by the numbers but some of you may be in dire need. It is, after all, Wednesday.

The top 5 masturbation techniques.

A Three Ton Score

With the blockbuster season ready to descend on the theatre going nation,or in other words, all the people who record all the summer movies you download, it's time to revisit the movies that didn't make the cut for hard earned green.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

A Strange future indeed

Forget this week. Just forget it! Disregard the code blue water consumption messages sent out. Never mind the climbing gas prices. Turn a blind eye to that frickin’ Polygamist Texas compound where the uni-browed women all look eerily the same and will all be played by Glenn Close in a Movie-of-the-week.

The future is far more alarming. That’s right. Ol’ Strange is going to take a gaze into his crystal ball and show you the future- 20 years into the future to be exact.

April 2028:
Guns and Roses finally released the long awaited “Chinese Democracy” album this month, but does anyone still care? Axl Rose pictured here was said to be mildly ecstatic before he crapped his pants and his diaper needed to be changed. The original line up was set to tour until Slash broke his hip last month when he fell from his motorized scooter on the way to Time-Warner-Walmart.

Oh eau!

Price of water hit an all-time high this week topping out at $108 a bottle. Arab nations screamed foul when the much sought after commodity spiked yesterday.
A spokesman for the industry said, "If only we had heeded those warnings to conserve water way-back-when, we wouldn't be having this problem." He also warned water could go as high as $140 a litre.

Naked Gun dead at age 102

Leslie Nielson died this week when he was killed in a freak gardening accident. The actor best known for his rolls in the "Naked Gun" & "Airplane" movies also had an unprecedented list of awards to his credit, the last being, "Mr. Nude New Brunswick 2027", an award he garnered just last year.

Clinton/Obama sex scandal finally revealed.

It had long been speculated. In fact, since the 2008 presidential campaign the whispers had steadily grown. Now twenty years after the fact, damaging evidence has surfaced pointing to a torrid love affair that lasted years between Clinton and Obama. Yet, even with this new information, Bill denies having "sex with that man".

Open up case #17

President Howie Mandel, now serving his second term, has had a hard month, not only has he had to deal with the Mexican Peso surpassing the U.S. Dollar, but all-time public concern to finally bring home U. S. troops.

President Mandel said he will issue the order that will see the first wave of infantry returning from Antarctica- believed to be the last known hiding place of Taliban rebels and weapons of mass destruction- by January 2029.

President Mandel also stated he believed the long conflict would finally end with a new offer from the Banker.......Osama......Deal or No Deal!

Cross-posted on Mitchieville

The best day ever approacheth

Pottahawk is just around the corner my friends. I know this because the hits start to go up this time of year. Everyone and their mother are looking for the lewd and lascivious, the bold and the shocking, the excessive and extreme, which all leads them here trying to find the elusive Johnny Wad.


So I believe it is time to crank up the old Pottahawk machine and get things rolling for '08 with this nifty Pottahawk Countdown Clock.
Also stay tuned for the best T-shirts from last year's event.


Countdown Clocks at WishAFriend.com

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Single guy's guide to driving



Wait....are you really going to drive in a situation like this?

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Don't toy with me

Say....did you ever wonder about the most elaborate sex toys on the market.

Wonder no more my friends.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Science diet for a Monday

Myoclonic Twitch

This is that falling sensation and sudden jolt you sometimes feel just as you're falling asleep. Scientifically named hypnagogic myoclonic twitch, it's also the third leading cause for embarrassment on sleepovers, behind bed-wetting and sleep farting. The muscle spasm may be light enough to be misinterpreted as a dream or it can be so jarring it physically shakes you awake.

It's fairly common (studies say around 70 percent of you have experienced it). The likelihood is increased if a person is exhausted or is sleeping in an uncomfortable position. That means the working poor and the homeless are probably more likely to experience a hypnic jerk, though scientists would probably rather not bother asking them. As far as recognized members of society, the muscle twitch is a normal and well-documented event.

What the hell causes it?

Like any good freakish event, the experts can't agree on what causes it. Most researchers feel that when muscles begin to slack while preparing for sleep the brain senses and misinterprets the relaxation signals, and assumes the body is falling. A little presumptuous on the brain's part to go around "assuming" you're falling while lying down. Then again it's nice to know the most important organ is on the lookout for trapped doors with mattresses on top.

If you want to experience this feeling at your desk just lean back in your chair, a little past the point of no return. Once gravity reminds you who's boss your body enters that frenzied states of "lost-balance/I hope that girl I like isn't watching." The sensations are so physically comparable that the brain analyzes them the same.

So there. Don't you feel better now?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

What's old is New Kids on the Block again



After more than a decade apart, New Kids on the Block has reunited for a new album and world tour.

The five original KNotB members appeared Friday morning on The Today Show, following earlier rumors of a reunion to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of their album Hangin’ Tough.

That sound you hear is the tremor of the twitching clitoris.

You take the high risk and I'll be in Scotland before you

It was revealed this week, young men take high risk investment decisions when they are sexually stimulated by erotic images or thoughts.

Yeah, It's called a Strip Club. That's why I never come out of there with money.

This was revealed when researchers studied human thoughts and MRI brain scan images of investors when they took high risk greedy and risky decisions.

So, what I'm to understand is.....my broker surfs porn all day then gets me to blow my money?


Now you can have your "Sex in the Shitty"

Does the sight of shoe-obsessed, cocktail-swilling, completely unbelievable New York women get you all hot and bothered? Then you'll want to get the new Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie Bradshaw blow-up sex doll. A company called Pipedream Products has created the bizarre sex toy, which is clad in a sequined dress and holds a little martini glass in its hand.....

....that will probably rattle sadly, like a rope against a flagpole in high winds, as you mash your genitals into it while lying on the futon in your parents' finished basement.

They're only $20! What a steal!

It's funny, a few weeks back in my clairvoyant fashion I posted a blog on blowup dolls designed to apparently look like celebrities, (see the J Lo blow up doll).


As unrealistic as these inflatable 3- love-tunneled balloons may seem, SJP is none too pleased and may sue the manufacturer for ripping off her likeness pictured here.

You know what? I think she has a case.




Get your filthy hands off me you damn dirty coroner

Charlton Heston, died last Saturday night at 84, was a towering figure both in his politics and on screen, where his characters had the ear of God (Moses in “The Ten Commandments”), survived apocalyptic plagues (“The Omega Man”) and endured one of Hollywood’s most-grueling action sequences (the chariot race in “Ben-Hur,” which earned him the best-actor Academy Award).

Better known in recent years as a fierce gun-rights advocate who headed the National Rifle Association, Heston played legendary leaders and ordinary men hurled into heroic struggles.

Does this mean he'll get a 21 gun salute?

One of the biggest box-office draws of the 1950s, ‘60s and ‘70s, Heston’s work dwindled largely to small parts and narration and other voice roles from the 1980s on, including an uncredited cameo as an ape in Tim Burton’s 2001 remake of “Planet of the Apes.”

He was the consummate leading man. He was tall, he was handsome, he was sensitive, he was gruff when he had to be.

Can the Charlton Heston blow-up doll be far behind?

Shudder to think.


Cross-posted on Mitchieville

Friday, April 11, 2008

Special Chuck Norris Friday


It's been a while since we had Chuck in for a classic showdown. Today however, is unlike any other. It is a Chuck Norris Friday to the power of 10 involving titanic battles from the animal kingdom.

Better get GIGC to bring me the popcorn.

All or nothing

Here are a few great links where you can find All and I mean ALL of:

Calvin and Hobbes. Every single comic strip ever created.

Watch every South Park Episode.


Of course you have to be a fan of both or either to want to go there.


Almost forgot. On the flip side- representing "nothing" is a link to nothing.

Well....it's about time

This week has been a rough one for Ol' Strange. In fact, it feels like I need a few more hours tacked to old clock each 24. Multitasking-like oil- has hit an all-time high and I wonder how I'm going to get through the next few weeks with my sanity in tact.

I always thought if I got into the entertainment business full-time I would have been anything but a juggler. That's life I guess.

I'll take those sick days please!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Making up for a day lost by the numbers

And not just any numbers:

10 hot chicks getting spanked.

The 12 most painful castrations ever. Hey, it was either this or the 12 most painful Fidel Castros ever.

Not sure if you want to see this after the last link, but....10 babana blow jobs.

Yeah, I thought so.....all is right with the universe again.

The single guy's guide to cooking

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Hop to it

So it’s Saturday, so it’s April, so it’s nice outside, so begins another year of News and Reviews you can’t Possibly Use- like this tidbit: A worldwide shortage of hops — a key beer-making ingredient — could have a big effect on the taste of specialty brews and force smaller microbreweries to hike the price of their products.

The shortage can be blamed on a perfect storm of events — bad weather in hop-growing areas of the United States, Europe and Australia and a depressed U.S. dollar.

"It's bordering on disastrous actually. If you don't have hops then you don't have beer," said a spokesman.

What no beer! No weekend drunken sprees? No waves of inebriated sexual advances, pissed punch-ups, no peeing on the guy's shoes next to you at the urinal while you spout verbal venom about how you don’t get any from your wife?

That’s just not right. No.....Not right at all.


Your face, my place

OK...so I can’t seem to find this story anywhere, but I did hear it, or read it somewhere on a bathroom wall this week while I was peeing on the guy's shoes next to me, so it must be true. And if it isn’t, then I’m sure it’s been tried by someone, somewhere.......A guy has been using a picture, other than his own, that he stole off of Facebook to pick up girls.

Of course as long as you never actually meet them, or persuade them to talk to you through a glory hole, you’re screwed, or you’ll never get screwed, depending on your perspective and the glory hole.

What happened to the good old pick-up line like, “Can I buy you a drink or would you just rather have the $7.50 I think you’re worth?”

BTW, this is my face and ladies and it’s leaving at the end of this blog, so be on it.


The end of the world is coming....again

And sooner than you may think.

A Russian cult has been hiding underground since November, convinced the world is going to end in May.

Did they not see the winter we just had? Some days I thought it already had.

However, severe rains have put their hiding place in jeopardy and they we’re forced to emerge.

Seems to me the point of them being there was to die eventually, but whatever.

Those who still believed the end was nigh were taken to a small wooden house in a village about 750 km from Moscow where they will remain cloistered in prayer until the world ends in May....

I guess I should take that vacation to Mexico after all. The trip will probably kill me.

In sex, length does matter

Oh yeah? Well that’s just swell.

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was three to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

Oh! Length of time. Not the length of my who-who-dilly......3 to 13 minutes you say?.....Oh yeah? Well that`s just swell.

If that sounds like good news to you, don't cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay....

Oh come on! Throw me a frickin`bone here people.

...and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from one to two minutes as "too short."

I`m doomed!

No shoes, not svelte, no service



Fatism is a growing problem. A new Yale University study finds weight bias is just as prevalent as racial discrimination. That's based on self-reported data from adults of all sizes between 25 to 74.

Researchers found women are twice as likely than men to report weight discrimination. They found men are not at serious risk until their body mass index reaches 35, while woman must hit 27.

Wait a minute now! I know many guys, myself included, who have taken home women well above the 27 body mass index......Say, is there still room left in the doomsday house?

Strange Does Dallas

Adult film star wannabes will have their chance to learn the business this weekend at "Porn Camp" in Tampa, Fla.

Led by an adult film actress, the seminar will cover everything from lighting and sound to legal advice. But the highlight of the three-day event is hands on.

Hands on you say? Sign me up. Hell, just look at my pretty face.

— participants will shoot their own adult-film scene.

Hmm....a one to two minute movie....sounds intriguing.

"They will tell you, show you and then help while you make your own film ... that you will own the rights to," the seminar's Web site said.

But the privilege doesn't come cheap, the St. Petersburg Times reports. The seminar costs $4,000 per person. About two dozen participants are expected for the event.

$4000 dollars! Better make that two dozen minus one.....oh what the hell. The world`s going to end in May anyway.

Now, if I can just figure out where my other 13 minutes of fame are coming from, I'm set.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Just in time for the weekend

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Single guy's guide to cleaning the bathroom

If you are ever going to get a date to stay over you better make sure this area of your apartment/house.....wait! How am I kidding?....this area of your apartment is spotless. Here are a few tips to make it easier.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tour de force



Private Sector announced their long-awaited, "Two in the Pink, One in the Stink Tour", the itinerary includes the following dates:

June 3rd, "The Crooked Dick", Yahookitzville, North Dakota
June 5th, "Wooster Square", Wooster Ohio
June 7th, "Yungling's", Yipsilante, Michigan
June 10th, "The New Stinky Pete's", Jiso, New York
June 11th, "The Skinny Atlas", Skaneateles, New York
June 12th, "Try My Brownies", Central Square, New York
June 14th,15th, "Guns, Guns, Guns", Waco- Texas
June 18th, "The Pissed-off Mexican", Eureka, California
June 21st, "Dribbles", Yuma, Colorado
June 24th,25th "The Grand Passaglia", Spuzzem, B.C.
June 27th, 28th, 29th "The Maple Ridge Music Festival(side stage)", Maple Ridge, B.C.
July 1st, 2nd, "Middle of the Road", North Haverbrook, Alberta
July 4th, "Fred's", Fred, Sask.
July 6th, "Flap Jack's", Flin Flon, Manitoba
July 9th, 10th, "Sue, Look Out!", Sioux Lookout, Ont.
July 12, 13th, "The Pontoon", Pottahawk, Ont.
July 16th " The South West Corner", Punkydoodles Corner, Ont.
July 18th, 19th, "Side By Each", Kazabazua, Quebec
July 26th, 27th, 28th, at "Tea & Biscuits", Bath, England
July 30th, "Where the Cat's Meow", Stonehenge, England
Aug 2nd, The Reading Festival, "Chapters/Indigo", England
Aug, 6th, "Hmmm...mya, mya", Antwerp, Belgium
Aug 8th, 9th, "Jesus Toast", Graz, Austria
Aug, 12th, 13th, "Wienersnitzles", Sindlefingen, Germany
Aug 20th, "In some field"- Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
Aug 27th, "The Dead Tourist", Laplata, Argerntina.

Advance ticket sales for Amex front of the line start Friday April 4th 10:00 AM

Tickets $4, $6, & $9.50 with a $14.00 service charge.

All U. S. dates will feature the band "Itchy Down South" in support. Wally Cornfield and "No Big Deal", will be on board for the B.C. shows and "Chocolate Theme Cake 7", will be on the bill for the rest of the tour which opens and closes with a pair of dates in Toronto May 30th, 31st at the Opera House and Sept, 5th, 6th, at the Pizza Pizza on the Danforth. Why? Because Torontonians will pay to see anything twice and are such April fools.